DEPRESSION - THE SILENT BATTLES

Many people do not know or do not want to accept the fact that they are actually depressed. One can get depressed from stress of work, home, health, finance, and so forth. For some, they prefer to think that they are actually "feeling down" rather than labeled as depress.
But, what they did not realize, untreated or too late depressed treatments, will lead to a big problem and eventually will eat you from the inside out.

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My friend (let’s called her Jane), is one example that did not know she was in the beginning of a stage of depression.

I met Jane 3 years ago. Jane, whom I knew at that time, was a woman with self confidence and self-reliant. I can say that she is a very successful woman in her career. She's also a problem solver. Every time I have problems, I will seek help and advice from her. I was very impressed and amazed by her maturity.

But it all changed when she got married. A year after she got married, she became an angry and quiet person. And sometimes she’s getting extremely sensitive for small things. At first, I thought it was a hormonal change because at that time she was pregnant. But after giving birth to their second child, she began to isolate herself. When I asked if everything’s alright with her, she replied she was okay but exhausted.

Until recently she opened up to me that she’s unhappy with her marriage. She feels that her husband blamed her for having another child without planning and caused financial problems to him. Instead of recognizing that his wife feels distressed by his reaction , all he does is quell her stress, and put all the blame to his wife and often angrily attacking her at every discussion.

And consequently, they often quarrel which lead further stress to Jane. As a result, Jane feels invisible, unimportant and a burden to her husband.

I asked her why only now she told me about her struggle, she say's that she had no idea to whom she needs to talk to. I asked why she did not talk her family member or other friends? She told me that when she starts to express her feelings to others, they will start telling her that we all had gone through times like that or it is all in your head.

I remembered the day when she told someone that she is okay, they tend to accept that reply and stop asking anymore.

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She also expresses that sometimes she thinks about suicidal, and that is when I said to myself "this is serious".

Depression is real. Depression can make people so tired. Depression is a parasite.

So, instead of asking her too much details of her problems, I tried to be a good listener and when it’s time for me to say something, I ...

• Try to remind her of the positive things.

• Remind that her children are the most precious things God has given to her and she should think about her children.

• Telling her that she is important and her life is important.

• I will be there when she’s need someone to talk to and listen.

• Tell her that I may not understand exactly how she felt but I care about her and I wanted to help her.

• Encourage doing some uplifting activities together.

• Encourage her to seek professional help.

I tried my very best to be supportive, patience and give encouragement , while at time it is not easy to deal with the moodiness. Nevertheless my focus is to help her gain back her self confidence.

I know that I can’t fix her depression or solve her problems. Her recovery is in her own hands. Most importantly, always encourage her to be a better person not only for herself but also to her kids and interestingly, I think that I need an emotional strength in order to provide ongoing support for her.

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It takes effort, patience and compassion to love someone with depression.

I’ve been thinking the whole night whether I should write this post or not. At the end, I’ve decided to do so because the only thing I can do is to spread and raise awareness about depression. If there is someone you know that seems carry the sign of depression, It is best that you try to reach out and help out.

Depression is not something that is openly discuss in public, and in a lot of cases, it is unknown and untreated. There must be more awareness on this topic , so that it is discuss hoping that anyone hits with depression would have opportunity to speak up and have a hand reach out at times of need.

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