I Survived The Thermonuclear Colon Cleanse

Disclaimer: This is not a product endorsement. If you sell or distribute a product by this same name, this is totally coincidental. As you know from previous blogs, I’ve got a round-about way of getting to the point, so read on.

It all started because I had been taking ibuprofen at the time for a chronic pain in my elbow. Inflammation at the lateral epicondyle, to be exact. My lifting routine focused on heavy weights/low reps and I couldn’t get through it without the meds I was taking. After about two months I began to start feeling faint and weak–frequently light-headed. Within a week these symptoms intensified. On a Sunday afternoon, my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my back. It was scary. At 7 that evening I told my wife we were going to the emergency room and she was driving.

After the preliminary exam, a nurse came and informed me that my hemoglobin was half of normal and that a blood transfusion was necessary immediately. I hesitated a bit and expressed some concern about the safety of the blood supply and suggested that I’d rather not. “We certainly can’t force you to do anything, but if you don’t, it’s very likely you could suffer a heart attack.” My analytical posture softened and I quickly said, “Let’s do it!” That night I spent in intensive care.

After getting my hemoglobin levels closer to normal, the next task was to figure out what caused the blood loss. Two major tests comprised the detective work. By looking down the esophagus they could examine the stomach to look for sources of leaks there; and by doing a colonoscopy they could determine if I had been loosing blood in my intestines. As it turned out, the blood loss was occurring through the stomach; a temporary condition brought on by my use of ibuprofen. The reality was that there were symptoms in addition to what I described earlier that I should have paid closer attention to, but like many behave when they think something bad is happening, I hesitated. My primary care physician informed me that the number who die from this every year is in the thousands. I was lucky, he said. My story will hopefully be beneficial to you in this regard.

What about the Thermonuclear Thing?

The exam was already scheduled for noon the next day, and I had to be passing perfectly clear liquid from the backside before the exam. No kidding. Now this is how goofy I’m looking at this…I remembered those radio commercials that said that we all have “twenty-five pounds of encrusted material inside our bodies”…you know what I’m talking about, right? I’m thinking to myself, since I had never been cleansed before like it said I should on the radio, I must have tons of that encrusted stuff inside doing bad things to me, and now we’re gonna clean it out! We’re about to get to the bottom of this cleansing thing. (No pun intended)

The next day came earlier than I expected. It was still dark outside when a strange voice broke my slumber, ”Roll over on your side, sir…..and try to relax. It’s time to get you ready” I knew what she meant, and I knew where that tube was about to be inserted. I appreciate all that the nurses and nurses aid do. This can’t be easy. Anyway, after surviving stage one, it was on to drinking the thermonuclear juice. I don’t know what was in it, and I had a gallon jug of it in my hand that needed to disappear down the pipe, but it was disgusting. Disgusting and fast. Within minutes of my first major ingestion it welled up inside of me like a tsunami. You better get out of my way, ’cause nothin’s gonna stop this thing! This is it….encrusted poison BEGONE! But wait a minute…there was no deluge of stuff from the interior that I had never seen before. There wasn’t twenty-five pounds of anything. I was getting clean alright, but maybe that guy on the radio didn’t know what he was talking about. Anyway, I had been going through this routine for about six hours, and my body, at that time, started shivering uncontrollably. I was shivering all over but I was not cold. This was brutal.Not only that but it was coming down to crunch time and I still wasn’t passing liquid that was perfectly clear. There was talk of postponing the test and I panicked. No way I’m doing this again, so I got another gallon of thermonuclear juice and swigged away some more. Finally I got it to where I needed it to be…clear in, clear out. I was totally exhausted. But was I cleansed? There is no routine on the planet that could have gotten me cleaner…and the 25 pounds of encrusted stuff was never there. Forget the guy on the radio; I had been worrying about something that never existed. In fact, in the post-op meeting the doctor mentioned to me that I had done a good job in getting ready because he was able to get a good look at everything. If it had been like first grade, I’d have gotten some little gold stars on my discharge papers!

What’s the takeaway here?

Be careful and pay attention when your body is giving you signals that include abnormal discomfort or pain. If you suspect a problem, don’t neglect it simply hoping that it will disappear.

Pay attention to the warnings on all medications. You might be the one who will experience the reaction. I had been taking a popular brand name product that’s always available at the local corner store.

Be skeptical of the many different treatments aimed at ‘cleansing’ the internal organs of the body.

img 1 https://www.self.com/story/colonoscopy-prep-tips
img 2 http://www.busseltondoctors.com.au/information/blog/item/24-should-i-have-a-colonoscopy