Day 27
Hi guys, Im feeling better this morning just came back from a hard workout in the gym and just getting ready to have breakfeast and start my day. Im doing the my best to try and stay relaxed and focused so that my transition to my new life in a few days will go as smoothly as possible.
Easter is just around the corner so that means I will likely be working a few days as it gets quite busy in Mallorca this time of year already. I hope to be ready to go back to work and fullfill my duties like I have been doing for the last couple years. I never imagined divorce could be so painfull and hard, I still think about her every day and constantly in my dreams but over time this will start to go away. Regardless of the horrible circumstances one day I hope that we can forgive each other and have a good divorced parent relationship especially for the sake of our wonderfull children.
My long to do list of things to do including the endless paper work ( Spain is pure bureaucracy) is slowly getting smaller and that also helps to put my mind at ease. I have to continue focusing on my self esteem and learn to be alone. As hard as it is to realize this the best course of action right now is to avoid falling into a rebound relationship, overcoming emotional dependence can be harder than quitting hard drugs from what I have been reading.
Divorce is very hard. I made the decision to divorce because my husband was an adulterer and cheated on me while I was pregnant with our 2nd child (we had 3 kids altogether). Even through this I wanted so desperately to keep my family together because I would have been the first divorce in my family. Everyone else was "til death us do part."
Well, I had no choice because it was slowly killing me. I had a year after the divorce that I call my "happy hooker" year. Too much drinking and promiscuity, which is totally not me. I'm not proud of it but I needed to get him out of my system and destructive behavior seemed to be the way.
Then I realized I still wasn't happy. I took 3 years off from men and healed myself. I found my self-confidence and voice again. I promised myself that I would NEVER lose myself again. It was very hard not to have someone to snuggle with at night - even a lying, cheating husband. But when I stopped looking for love and starting loving my life, that's when I found my soulmate and we'll be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in July.
There is life after heartbreak. You'll get there. HUGS.
I can relate to your comment in several ways, during our 14 year relationship we were both unfaithfull to one another and this damage was obviously never going to heal. The end of my first serious relationship about 17 years ago took quite a hard toll on me as well, I ended up having a long happy hooker period where alcohol and women were my escape this left me empty and destroyed. So one of my main reasons for seeking help was to restore my self confidence and to avoid falling into that trap again. The last thing I want is to live that chapter of my life again. With my marriage we spent the last years trying to make things work mainly to keep the family together but in the end I think this is the best for all of us especially for our children. My main goal now is to rebuild my life and to regain the ability to trust somebody so that one day I can spend the rest of my life with somebody who truly connects with me and who I can share the nice things in life with. Thank you so very much for your insight and sharing your story. You made my day :) big hugs @merej99
Just remember that the best example you can be for your kids is a healthy, happy YOU. Sure, they will see the struggles but when you overcome adversity and gain strength, they are going to know that nothing can keep you down.
Thanks to my ex, I had a difficult time with my kids because they would repeat the shit he said like, "You always pick Pat (my current husband) over us!"
And my answer was and will always remain: "No. I pick ME because one day you guys are going to be grown; you'll have your own life and family and leave me way behind. If I choose YOU, I'm left with no one. Yes, he's my partner and I choose him to be in my life but in the end, I choose ME and maybe one day you'll understand."
My boys are young men now, and they totally get it -- but it was years of bullshit. Be patient. YOU GOT THIS
I like to think that we are handling things pretty good regarding the children. I am making sure that the children dont take sides and understand that they still have 2 parents that love them to bits and will do anything for them. She has custody and I have visitation rights but if there is one positive thing that I can say about her is that she is an excelent mother and likely the only thing that we agree on is that this situation has to affect them as little as possible. My position is that we are both to blame for what has happened and that the kids just have the unfortunate situation of being in the middle. We will both be there for them and ensure that this transition is as easy on them as possible. Anyways its hard to tell what will happen but this is my wish and hopefully hers as well. I still have a hard time accepting all this and feel like I miss her terribly sometimes but I need to focus on my own well being and understanding that we will all benefit in the long term from this separation.
That's the trick isn't it? - not using the kids to hurt or (try to) control one another. Some days are going to be easier than others. It's a natural part of the grieving process. It's okay to grieve. You don't get over a long term relationship overnight and should never expect to.
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