I have rhumatoid arthritis and I have had since I was very young; Prepubescent.
As well I have been consuming prescription drugs of every flavor since I was roughly the same age. I will be turning 30 in February and that is a big number for me to digest. Luckily it should slip through here shortly with little to no effort.

A few days ago I decided to kick dope and heal this condition with my own mind. With meditation and thought. Now that sounds crazy I know but this is exactly the course that I have set sail upon and I plan to greet the ends of my journey in successful bliss.

-Lord, let the stars guide my path as they lend constellation for my thoughts. I know that we are in but a dream, manifesting our own realities with every thought and every action. I know that to do is to believe and to believe is to do. I now see and I am ready to do what I need to do.

So what is dope? Well to me I can say that dope is not cannabis. That does not mean that it isn't to someone else. We share 99.99% of our DNA with eachother but we are not all alike. Not in the flesh. In the flesh we are each a different piece in the puzzle. In my part of the puzzle, dope consist of all opiates and anything else that can be crushed up, cooked down and injected. To my father alcohol is dope.

I first took an opiate when I was 14 after a rhumatology appointment. Below is a poem I wrote about the experience. I was 13 when I ate my first bag of magic mushrooms and 12 when I first smoked herb. I wish I had waited and allowed my brain to grow into these drugs instead of around them but those were my cards. Until right now they are the cards I've been playing. Now that all changes because I am here to stack the deck! I have already begun and by the time I am done the deck will stacked better than the decks stacked by any of hustlers that I met in the clink. I found where the magic lives and where it sleeps and that is in the here and now. Now I am here, now I see.

10 months ago my best friend intentionally took his own life by shooting up Fentynal that he imported via the dark web with cryptocurrency. I taught him about crypto less than 2 months before he left. This wound digs so deep that I sit here dripping tears as I recolect.

This is the reason I am embracing this journey ahead of me with anticipation. One of the reasons anyway. I sit here 3 days off of opiates, slightly drunk and completly stoned and for the first time in a long time I can feel again and I can feel the last words he spoke to me with ease. It was late at night when he called. I knew something was wrong but I didnt know how to help. First the Fentynal put my brother in a coma and when it allowed him to wake, he could no longer feel his left leg. When he opened his eyes nothing happened. He was now half immobilized and completly blind.

He was with us a couple weeks longer after this. I received the last call from him shortly before he departed. I do not blame him but I do thank him for saying goodbye. I still feel him, his energy. He gives me the strength to do this which I am doing in the here and now.

I have not shot dope for a couple years now but I have been on opiates. Poppy seed tea for about a year and a half then suboxone until three days ago. I have been on adderall since I was 20 and I quit taking that 2 weeks ago as well. I have a pound of Skywalker Kush, a half gallon of 5 o'clock and a little bit of kratom. I plan to use what I have to get me through the hard parts and eventually only be smokibg herb.

I will continue this story periodically as I check in and give progress reports. This platform is like any other in the sense that I draw energy from it in a way that allows me to better my life. Writing about what I am going through gives me a sense of responsibility and for thst I am greatful. Thanks for reading, please upvote.