How to Guide Your Partner to Help You Reach Ungodly Orgasms

For many women, achieving orgasm with a male partner can be challenging. While men typically reach climax relatively easily during intercourse, women’s bodies and arousal patterns tend to be more complex.

The good news is that by taking charge of your own pleasure and clearly communicating your needs to your partner, you can dramatically increase your chances of having satisfying orgasms during partnered sex.

This guide will walk you through how to understand your own body, express your desires, and direct your partner to help you reach climax.

Understanding Your Own Body and Arousal

Before you can effectively guide a partner, it’s crucial to understand your own sexual response and what types of stimulation work best for you. If you haven’t already, spend some time exploring your body through masturbation. Pay attention to what feels good, what builds arousal, and what ultimately triggers orgasm for you. Some key things to note:

• Sensitive Areas: Identify the parts of your body that are most sensitive to touch. The clitoris, vaginal opening, labia, and G-spot are common erogenous zones, but don’t neglect other areas like your breasts, inner thighs, or neck.
• Preferred Touch: Determine what types of touch you prefer. Do you like light or firm pressure? Circular motions or up-and-down strokes? Constant stimulation or intermittent?
• Clitoral Stimulation: Many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Understand if this is true for you.
• Timing: Note how long it typically takes you to reach orgasm when masturbating.
• Mental Arousal: Identify what mental factors increase your arousal. Certain fantasies, visual stimulation, or auditory cues?

The more aware you are of your own arousal patterns and orgasmic triggers, the better you’ll be able to guide a partner. Don’t be shy about masturbating - it’s one of the best ways to get in tune with your sexuality.

Communicating Your Desires

Once you have a good understanding of what works for your body, the next step is learning to clearly communicate those needs and desires to your partner. Many women feel uncomfortable or embarrassed talking explicitly about sex, but open communication is key for a satisfying sex life.

Here are some tips for expressing your sexual needs:

• Be Direct and Specific: Instead of vague statements like “that feels good,” give clear directions like “use a circular motion” or “go slower and use a lighter touch.” The more specific you are, the easier it is for your partner to please you.
• Use Positive Reinforcement: When your partner does something you like, let them know with verbal and non-verbal cues. Moans, gasps, and phrases like “yes, just like that” or “don’t stop” are encouraging.
• Don’t Be Afraid to Redirect: If something isn’t working for you, speak up. You can gently guide your partner’s hand or say something like “can you try touching me here instead?”
• Talk About Sex Outside the Bedroom: Having conversations about your desires, fantasies, and preferences when you’re not in the heat of the moment can make it easier to communicate during sex.
• Use “I” Statements: Framing things in terms of your needs and desires (e.g. “I really enjoy when you…”) rather than criticisms can make your partner more receptive.
• Consider Using a Yes/No/Maybe List: These sexual inventory lists can be a great way to explore new activities and discuss boundaries with a partner.

Remember, a good partner will appreciate your guidance and want to please you. Being vocal about your needs is not bossy or selfish - it’s an important part of a mutually satisfying sex life.

Setting the Stage for Pleasure

Great sex starts before you even get to the bedroom. Here are some ways to set yourself up for orgasmic success:

• Manage Stress: Stress and anxiety can make it very difficult to orgasm. Try meditation, deep breathing, or a relaxing massage to get in the right mindset.
• Create a Comfortable Environment: Make sure the room temperature, lighting, and overall atmosphere are conducive to relaxation and arousal for you.
• Build Anticipation: Flirty texts, lingering touches, and verbalizing your desire for your partner can stoke arousal.
• Engage in Plenty of Foreplay: Most women need more than just a few minutes of kissing to get fully aroused. Take time to enjoy lots of touching, kissing, and teasing before moving to more explicit sexual activities.
• Use Lubrication: A good water-based lube can increase comfort and sensation, making orgasm easier to achieve.
• Consider Incorporating Toys: Vibrators and other sex toys can be a fun addition to partnered play and may help you reach orgasm more easily.

Guiding Your Partner During Sex

When it comes time for the main event, don’t be afraid to take an active role in guiding the action. Here are some ways to direct your partner:

• Start with Full-Body Touching and Kissing: Show your partner where you like to be caressed and kissed. Guide their hands and mouth to your most sensitive spots.
• Direct Oral Sex: If you enjoy receiving oral sex, give your partner feedback on pressure, speed, and technique. Show them exactly where you want to be licked and sucked.
• Guide Manual Stimulation: Take your partner’s hand and demonstrate how you like your clitoris or other areas touched. You can place your hand over theirs to guide the motions.
• Find the Right Positions: Experiment to find intercourse positions that provide the stimulation you need. Woman-on-top positions often allow for more control and clitoral stimulation.
• Add Clitoral Stimulation During Intercourse: Guide your partner’s fingers or a vibrator to your clitoris during penetration if you need that extra stimulation to orgasm.
• Use Verbal Cues Throughout: Don’t be afraid to tell your partner very briefly but direclty “faster”, “slower”, “harder”, or “softer”. Let them know when something feels amazing. Make them your kinda remote control toy via verbal cues.
• Focus on Your Own Pleasure: Don’t get too caught up in performing or worrying about how you look. Allow yourself to be selfish and focus on the sensations in your body.

Specific Techniques to Try

Here are some specific tips and techniques you can guide your partner to use:

• Clitoral Stimulation: Start with light, teasing touches around the clitoris before progressing to direct stimulation. Try circular motions, side-to-side, or up-and-down strokes to see what feels best. Experiment with different levels of pressure and speed. Many women enjoy having the clitoral hood gently retracted for more direct stimulation.
• G-spot Stimulation: Have your partner insert one or two fingers into your vagina with their palm facing up. Guide them to make a “come hither” motion, stroking the front vaginal wall about 2-3 inches in. Combine with clitoral stimulation for intense sensations.
• Oral Sex Techniques: Show your partner how to use the flat of their tongue for broad strokes. Guide them to focus on your clitoris, using the tip of their tongue for more targeted stimulation. Demonstrate your preferred patterns - circles, side-to-side, or up-and-down motions. Let them know if you enjoy having your labia licked or your vaginal opening penetrated with their tongue.
• Intercourse Positions for Female Orgasm: Woman-on-top allows you to control depth, speed, and angle of penetration. Doggy style with a reaching back to stimulate your own clitoris. Coital alignment technique (CAT) - a variation on missionary that provides more clitoral stimulation. Spooning from behind with access to touch your own clitoris.

Overcoming Common Obstacles

Even with good communication and technique, some women may still struggle to reach orgasm with a partner. Here are some common issues and how to address them:

• Taking Too Long: Many women worry about taking “too long” to orgasm. Remember there’s no set time limit. If you’re enjoying yourself, it’s not too long. Reassure your partner that you’re having fun and ask them to be patient.
• Performance Anxiety: Worrying about taking too long, how you look, or whether you’ll orgasm can make it harder to climax. Focus on physical sensations rather than mental chatter. Deep breathing can help.
• Lack of Clitoral Stimulation: The majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Make sure you’re getting that stimulation, whether from fingers, toys, or positioning during intercourse.
• Discomfort or Pain: If sex is uncomfortable, orgasm will be very difficult. Make sure you’re fully aroused before penetration and use plenty of lubrication. See a doctor if pain persists
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• Medication Side Effects: Some medications, particularly SSRIs, can make orgasm more difficult. Talk to your doctor about adjusting dosages or trying alternatives.
• Relationship Issues: Emotional intimacy and trust are important for many women to fully relax and orgasm. Address any underlying relationship problems.
• Past Trauma: A history of sexual trauma can impact current sexual experiences. Consider working with a sex therapist to overcome these challenges.

Remember, orgasms aren’t the only measure of good sex. Focus on overall pleasure and intimacy rather than orgasm as the only goal.

Continuing the Conversation

Sexual communication shouldn’t be a one-time thing. Keep the lines of communication open with your partner:

• Debrief After Sex: Talk about what worked well and what you might like to try next time.
• Be Open to Your Partner’s Needs and Desires: Sexual satisfaction should be mutual.
• Recognize That Needs and Preferences May Change Over Time: What worked before may need adjustment.
• Consider Scheduling Regular “Sex Talks”: Check in about your sex life.
• Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Outside Help: Sex therapists and educators can offer valuable guidance.

The journey to consistently satisfying orgasms may take some time and experimentation. Be patient with yourself and your partner. With open communication, a willingness to explore, and a focus on your own pleasure, you can develop a deeply fulfilling sex life. Remember, every woman’s path to orgasm is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to female pleasure. The key is getting to know your own body, clearly expressing your needs, and working together with your partner to find what brings you the most pleasure and satisfaction.