Dear Diary: We Just Got Back From Dialysis And It Is Now Past 1:00 AM

I am yet alive again and it is glorious for my body to once again feel the cleaning action of dialysis. I am much feeling nicer today but still breathless and I do not think that it will get a solution if I would not change the type of dialysis that I am getting so that I can control my body's fluid outtake.

My doctor just wants me to get a thrice weekly dialysis and change the type of dialyzer that I use to a regular one which I think is stupid and impractical. What I just needed is to have my dry weight lowered so that I can breathe much easier because it is actually 32 kilograms while they just set it to 39 Kilograms and sometimes more so just imagine the fluid load into my system.

No wonder I could not walk anymore because of a heavy extra fluid in my body. Now it does affect the way I eat especially regarding the amount so I just have to eat twice a day only because frequent eating will just compel me to drink and so I will get breathless more faster.

Now I am just trying to control my diet because just to avoid me being having a hardship especially with my breathing issues and nobody can help me but myself alone regarding these factors because most of the time my nurses could not realize the suffering that I am going through and the blame always goes to me.

It is indeed a hard thing when people around you have a very big impact in your welfare and I do hate it that way because I am feeling helpless when thta happens which is happening to me right now.