Dear Diary: My Speech Ability Is Getting Worse Now

I can hear it, see it, and feel it in my mouth. As weeks passes by me I hope that my fear will not get into a much worse situation when I will not be able to chew anymore. But it is one reality in life that is very difficult to accept when your basic function as a human being will get taken away from you and from that I could say that it is just better for my mother to miscarry me in her womb than to undergo another series of burdens such as this continual disabilities and disfigurement of my head and back.

I must face it despite it is all too depressing and sad of a life that I have, it is just my thoughts are temporarily blocked on what I do everyday which is to write and basically use the Internet. I could not even go out and enjoy the sunshine because I cannot tolerate much of a sitting if I am not in my old camping chair.

I just hope that my efforts will not be in vain because I had come as far as this and I wanted to pursue still all my set goals if time will be so kind to me. But it seems that my health condition is not yet subdued and I am not surprised because my medicine doesn't work as effectively as I expect it, holding it maybe to slow down but not to totally stop.

But I yet to see what will the coming months will bring me or will I just be like an onion that is peeled layer by layer until nothing is left, only a destroyed and mangled of what was once a complete beautiful body and soul of mine. I am thankful nonetheless because at least I had felt the love and caring thoughts of other people in a far away land who understands my disposition. So I will carry on and see what and where my fate will lead me into, I pray God that may it be a better thing because I am already tired.