Dear Diary: My Body Acts Funny And It Scares The Hell Out Of Me

Just yesterday before my dialysis I was feeling good and a bit surprisingly almost pain-free and my movements are fluid and I can manage it a bit. Now for some reason even my elbow hurts and I am having a trouble walking with my feet joints hurt a lot as well as my right hip joint. Add to that my backbone near my loin area, all in freaking pain.

I only feel the pain when I begin to move like walk or iftf my limbs and apply pressure to my joints otherwise they are fine but nonetheless I am near-bedridden disabled for that matter because they really hurt when I walk especially the feet joints. I look terrible when walking, covering a few meters per ten minutes.

Sometimes when I am in pain I get the thoughts of dying because although pain reminds us that we are still alive, a lasting lingering pain reminds us that we want to die. It is quite not really not worth it to live this way and I am just a hard-headed persistent living thing that just wants to see the other side of today.

Now also I can notice my ears are ringing for some reason although I took some aspirin yesterday for my dialysis but I had done it before. It is funny how my body acts lately, okay today but tomorrow it is not and will act strangely. So fortunately I had some pain medication that was given by m friend here at steemit and I find it handy in times like I can't bear the pain. God help me. Please pray for me need everyone's support.

But fortunately pain can be managed by some medicines but the deterioration of my bones cannot be mended, at least until I can find a doctor that can mend my body and also, until I can save some funds for my own support. It is a one man team but I still need everyone's fervent prayers for any miracle we can fish out from heaven.