Dear Diary: I Was Only Able To Eat Once Today

I ate late this morning with some stir-fried noodles and I followed it with an ear of white corn plus a sandwich of bread with margarine. All of that I had before 12 Pm and I wasn't able to eat after that because if you really have a fluid imbalance you can never eat normally especially in my case where fluids in my body squeezes my lungs.

So eating just makes me feel like I am drowning and I am forced to not to eat normal amounts of food and it is just a struggle and my efforts to gain weight is side-tracked by intermittent meal skip just like what happened today.

Anyway I wasn't doing any much physical activity anyway so maybe the calories that I had today will be just the average that I am taking but I am not satisfied and my efforts to really gain weight is very, very hard as proven by me lately.

I do have the appetite still but the main factor that I could not eat normally is my waterlogged condition. You cannot simply eat if your body felt like you just had downed two gallons of water nit to mention my heartbeat which really reacts to the volume of the blood it has to pump as it just palpitates especially after I ate something.

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It is still a stressful day because of my ringing ear issue, when I do not want to suffer I just try to sleep it off to at least make myself get a break from its tormenting nonstop ring, it is truly maddening and in times like these I feel that there is no point on to living because I feel that there are forces that wants me to not exist in this world as if it is telling me directly that I am not from here.

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