Dear Diary: I Want A Three Times Dialysis Per Week If Only My Father Would Agree

If possible I wanted a very frequent dialysis because it is only in dialysis that I would feel the feeling of being clean and ease so in turn I would return to my normal eating appetite and the feeling of being clean is just priceless because it is the only moment that I feel normal which I always look forward to during dialysis.

So it is really recommended to have a frequent dialysis because it makes the patient feel better which is the goal of dialysis. After a day or two that feeling abates and based on what the patient eats between dialysis they would feel quite ill. But there is so much tolerance in having a toxicity that it doesn't kill the patient that easily. It will take about two weeks before a patient succumbs from a lingering and agonizing death if not their own body liquids drown them first.

My parents helps me selflessly but the are also a hindrance to some of my plans including having a kidney transplant because I wanted a kidney from my siblings so that I can get a good match so that the kidney would last more years but my mother doesn't want that idea because she doesn't want two of her loved ones go under the knife and get the risk of death. It will be too much for her to bear out.

Also my siblings are quite showing signs of diseases themselves especially my brother that now is suffering from a heart issue while my sister is on a medication as well. The eldest in the other hand is quite unwilling to donate. Now my father although willing is quite old now for that operation.

My father also doesn't want me to get a therre times dialysis per week because it will be too much a time to waste for himself to drive me back and forth and he also waits with me for excruciating four hours in sometimes very late at night schedule. Plus he also have no idea how much agony that feel in my situation too.

That is what I am enduring now and currently I am getting a breathlessness issue due to my backbone compressing my lungs and it is really a very hard life and I am only trying to manage it. I don't know that if I am just fortunate or I am cursed for not dying and surviving, it is just on how people look at it but I am continuing to fight if I could achieve my goal of normality, God help me.