Dear Diary: I Never Cursed So Bitterly In My Life

in health •  last month

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My Hip joint and tailbone are making my life more miserable more than ever and I thought that my backpain was the ultimate of my problems. Now with these relatively new problems in my body, it puts not only me but also my parents in a much emotional and physical strain.

Just today after going out from the the dialysis room I was wheeled unto the car. Going to the wheelchair was a bit of a struggle itself as my knees can't seem to support me anymore like before coupled with pain with the dreaded tailbone and hip joint.

Near the car as I was attempting to board unto the middle seat I couldn't seem to do it because every movement that I do give me excruciating pain. I attempted few times and I can't do it then what my father does is that he went into the other side of the car, went in and then yanked me inside the car.

It gave me tremendous amount of pain and cursed a couple of times, I was crying. I didn't cursed my father but I noticed that his feeling was hurt and told me why I was cursing him. He slammed the door and went to the driver seat and started the engine of the car.

I went out again because I can't get my feet in and tried to put my left leg inside the car so that I can put my right leg and finally arrange myself inside. It is not as easy as it sounds when you have both have a hip and tailbone pain because everytime my butt presses to the seat it is painful and also if my hip joint moves I scream in agony.

I don't know what to do anymore, I have done most of the things in my abilities just to manage my condition and still I am getting a whole lot of hardships. It is all an like uncontrollable train or maybe as calamitous as a freshly-wrecked train and I am the only casualty. Now I think that my father had a hard feeling for me because I cursed.

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We are never at our best when we are in emotional, mental or psychological pain.

wish we could send you a ton of CBD oil , pot brownies , very rare whiskies and a funny movie

I hope you did not curse what I think is common among Tagalogs: "P----g I-a!!!" That would have been outrageous to hear from you and would have made your father really pissed off.

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Yes I said that a couple of times, I screamed it actually because of the extreme pain I felt at that moment.
My cursing didn't pertain to him though.