Dear Diary: I Hope Not To Lose Some Weight Because Of My Eating Problem

It is just depressing not being able to eat because it will definitely make me lose some more weight considering that I am really have a ridiculously emaciated body. My weight began to decrease many years ago and I never did gain except it just falls and falls until I am practically skin and bones already.

I really cannot do anything about it and I had done lots of ways already just to increase my weight but its hopeless plus I do not have the appetite to eat which makes my weight gain efforts to fail. I even had bought a protein shake drink but that proved to be hopeless as well because it didn't do anything.

It is just complicated to eat regularly with a proper proportion of food because what happens is that I tend to drink more fluids and since my nurses wouldn't want to take off fully the excess weight that I had gained, it resulted me retain fluids in my body.

So now I am suffering from weakness because walking now gives me breathlessness issues due to excess fluids that is still in my body and it is the problem that resulted from me trying to eat normally before.

The other bad thing for eating normally is the build-up of protein metabolites which makes my breath smell like ammonia. It adds to my nausea caused by my parathyroid medicine, so eating basically makes me alive but it also kills my well-being.

The only way for me to have a better well-being to have a frequent dialysis but it is impractical because it is expensive, my health insurance cannot cover all my dialysis needs of at least 3 times per week so I am just scrimping my dialysis treatment allowance so it can last for a year.

I was only able to eat a cheese sandwich today for lunch and crackers with fillings as my dinner because of my bitter aftertaste, it is not possible for me to eat a regular meal which only comes if I am hooked up at dialysis. Obviously it is not a good way to eat but it is my real problem and I had no more option to correct it anymore, such is my life.