Dear Diary: I Am Already Waterlogged Which Makes Me Get A Breathing Problem

Dialysis will not happen until Tuesday God-willing and already I am waterlogged or fluid-filled already and that in turn makes me have a hard time breathing. It is a contributing factor in my inability to exert myself even in such small tasks like taking a bath.

I gave up asking my nurses in adjusting my dry weight (the real body weight without extra water) because they would not listen, look, or believe that I do have still extra water in my body. They always say tell me that my blood pressure drops and then does the opposite which adds more water in my body.

So sometimes I just want to die so that all this would end and it is hard to maintain my blood pressure if the other party believes something that is opposed in my own beliefs based on my experience as a patient. It is because for them a 140-150-160 BP is okay while for me it is certainly not for example.

It would be better if I would get the peritoneal dialysis option so that I could have more control about my body's water management as well as my BP but my mother doesn't believe that it is a good option.

But as soon as I am certain that I can sustain a peritoneal dialysis in the future I will take that option and probably I can be able to eat better because peritoneal dialysis sessions are frequent and it cleans the body slowly and better plus there is a little chance that my BP would crash in the process.

I still needed to raise funds for it if surgeries that I am aiming to get cannot be realized at least with peritoneal dialysis my life's hardships will get some relief and I will just have to get contented on that.