I agree that this topic needs to be spoken about more. I've dealt with it for years as well. However, we're all so different in our dealings with it. I think I got up and made myself do things because I couldn't stand the nightmares when I slept or sitting there feeling nothing - sadness is at least something - to feel nothing is horrible. That feeling of utter despair that no matter what you do, it won't matter and it won't get better. I made myself take care of the kids and do things because the voices telling me to do horrible things was too much to bear. I figured if I moved, I could ignore the hell better. I still do. I pile project after project on top of myself so that I don't have to sit still and feel that it's all pointless. I do art, write and I throw it out to the ethers and won't turn around to see if anyone paid attention or not. Oftentimes, I've been in like a drug-induced haze because you feel wasted, like you're in an empty attic, in the dark and someone tied you to a chair and all you can look out and see is the blue sky and sun from the window, but you can't feel the warmth of it on your face or the summer wind. And yes, I know the drugs where doctors don't listen to you and just throw pills at you and your friends who tell you about some spiritual author who changed their life, telling you yoga and this homeopathic treatment will work. Yep, I know.

All I can say is this is like a cross we bear. That for some of us, this world won't ever be right. I've learned to embrace my darkness and I told people that I'm not going to be all light and rainbows sometimes or that dreaded P word - positive. Yes, I'm finally on some medication that helps with my panic disorder, but I know why I'm depressed. While for some of us it's chemical, but for others who have things from long ago, it won't go away, you just find coping mechanisms to get you throw. I feel better talking about it and being honest about it, and for anyone who doesn't understand, oh well.

Hugs to you.