Men Feel Sad And It Is About Time That They Talked Openly About Their Feelings

Men are suffering in silence, and are often unable to express their feelings, for fear that they are being unmanly. This fear dates back to childhood when boys got bullied on the playground if they cried or showed how they felt. Men often hide how they feel because they are afraid they will be shamed and called weak if they show their true feelings. They often feel they have no-one to turn to.

Most women say how they feel to anybody who will listen: “I’m angry” “I’m hurt”, “I’m sad”, or I’m afraid, are a few examples. Men are not comfortable doing this in our society, and no matter what happens, men hold in their feelings and put up a strong front. Be it death, birth, injury, or accident, they do not want to start crying, or break down the bold exterior and crumble to the ground.

Repressing Feelings

Repressing feelings only makes them worse. Anger that is held inside can turn into an explosion of aggression or violence to oneself or others. Sadness can turn into depression, and emotional pain can turn into addiction. The feelings don't go away when you try to hide them, they stay simmering below the surface.

When we women talk about our feelings, we release our tension. We relieve the pressure in our bodies, and go back to having fun. We cry, we chat, we hug, and we move on. During the process of connecting with others about our feelings, we feel that we are not alone with our suffering. We feel that other people are bearing part of our load, simply by listening to us, and when we are stronger, we can listen to them talk about their feelings.

Men need to dig deep into their feelings and tell another person about them, and to not be judged as weak for doing it. They are not whiners, but people like us with feelings. Finding at least one person you can talk to about anything is great. Finding a group is even better. Even an on-line group.

My neighbor was a police officer, and told me about some tough days he had on the job. I told him I couldn't do his job, because I would take it home with me, and he said he had the ability to leave it all at work. But I didn’t buy that. He looked stressed at home.

We all have defense mechanisms to protect us from the things that hurt too much to feel. They allow us to repress painful experiences, like being rejected by an employer or a partner and to deny them. But without accepting your pain, you can’t deal with it, and you find unhealthy ways to deal with it like by blaming others, or feeling insecure,

Accept And Be With Your Pain

It sounds easy, but it isn't, it's hard to accept that you are in pain and allow yourself to feel it. Simply being with it and knowing that it is awful is a good thing, because you are starting to process it by acknowledging it. In our culture, we want immediate quick fixes, so we can escape our pain, but allowing it to be is the best way.

Next, look at why you feel the pain, and see if there is a little positive step you could take to make it feel better, like going for a walk. You are starting to release it, like letting in fresh air and blowing out the stale air that needs to be exhaled out of your body. Take a little step each day towards releasing the pain.

Share Your Emotional Pain With Someone

The next step is to find someone to share the pain with. If you are nervous about trusting someone, you can prepare them by saying: “I don’t usually discuss my feelings, but this is really bothering me,” and people will definitely listen to what you have to say. If you don't have anyone to confide in, you can hire a counselor.

When you tell someone how you feel they may even say: “It’s about time you talked about your feelings”, because other people can recognize repressed pain, because they have it too, and it is uncomfortable for everyone when something is brewing, but it cannot be discussed. Opening up dialogue is the way to feeling happy again.

photo ~ Pixabay