I did a little experiment when I first got on Steemit. I called it my love challenge. I wanted to see how many people responded to loving and beautiful words and pictures when they were given a choice between that and mainstream news.
The news is daunting to watch as it is so scripted and such bullshit. I am awake to the fact that mainstream anything is all fake and just glamorized for profit. If we are always tuned into mind- numbing television and computer screens without filtering what we watch then we are bound to this crazy matrix around us.

The kardashians, pizzagate, presidents, taylor swift...these things are not mainstream news...they are propaganda and misleading and I am tired of hearing about it.

I wanted to be the change I want to see so I decided to post happy and joyful and meaningful blogs about my ever changing life. The many ups and downs that I have experienced in the past 47 years really seemed book worthy. So now I blog
I feel like now, right this minute, I am the happiest person I have ever been and I keep getting happier. I post constant positive and reassuring comments to my friends and family. I am no longer struggling to say happy things. My heart is happy and content.
I wasn't always this way. I have thought a great deal about my past 10 years of illness and I realized that I did it to myself. I created 4 tumors. I survived 4 tumors. Each one more frightening than the last. As I sit here now I realize that I didn't want to even live back then.. I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage and work life. My body was out of shape and I pushed myself too hard but, my subconsceious had a different path to take me on. It had other plans. I guess after 1 marriage, some kids, lots of education and crazy ups and downs, I feel entitled to say that I was so happy to get each tumor! Every time, it opened my mind up to more and more about my mental state.
I felt horrible as a teen, anxiety and depression. I felt horrible as a mom, no patience for bullshit. I felt horrible as a wife. Just not happy. So, I kept feeding that monster. I fed it so much that it made my body sick...Really sick. I truly wasn't interested in being around much longer. Until two years ago. That's the time that I almost lost my husband to heart failure. I was going through 1 more tumor surgery. Fuck. Fun times.
I looked at my love, my rock and saw a man that was so scared and broken and hurting. He fought every single minute until he was strong enough to carry me around. I was his reason to fight so hard. That sunk deep into my soul and he and I have been so happy and excited about life again. I felt something so much deeper than love during the months of his recovery. I cared about him too much to ever give up on myself again. I needed to get happy no matter what it took! Fast forward to today where my man and I have been free and clear of any illness for over 2 years. I realized I was kidding myself about what was making me sick...nothing on the outside. Nobody was doing this to me. It was me. I was toxic.

Toxic words. Toxic thoughts. Toxic foods.

Just putting in and containing so much unhappiness breeds more sickness. I get that now. I have a second chance to make things a billion times better and I am. I have chickens, a loving husband, stable kids, great health and a new outlook on everything. It's like the veil was lifted and I am now awake to happiness. It was always in me, I just never let it out. I have never laughed as much as I have in the past year. I live each day in love. I forgive everyone for everything. I am only here to experience life in the best way I can. This is your right too. It's a gift we all have. To go out and do the things that make you happy. Pull yourself out of sickness and sadness. Try really hard to be loving. I am not kidding you when I say it is miraculous. It feels like I don't have a mask on anymore. I can be me and I can be genuine.

Well, remember I was doing an experiment about putting positivity out there. I can say that I am probably $500 richer from Steemit just by posting positive and loving posts and comments. Facebook is difficult to crack through to happiness but if you block the shit ...it stays away.

I was gonna add pictures and stuff but nah.

Thanks for the love and I hope you have a fantastic life!