Myths of Happiness and 12 Causes of Unhappiness

Myths of Happiness

Having More

Most people think that, the more you have, the better you’ll feel. We all have probably felt this way at some point.

If I could just get that new car or new truck. If I just had a new house or the newest shoes and clothes. If I just had more MONEY!

But, as statistics show, it just isn’t true.

Researchers from Boston College conducted a survey of mega-wealthy people, most of whom were worth more than 25 million dollars. The majority of respondents turned out to be generally dissatisfied, and, in fact, most considered that their money had led to deep anxieties involving love, work, and family. Most admitted that they were frequently discouraged—even with their mega-fortunes.

It’s obvious that the happiest people aren’t the ones with all the fortune and fame. If that were the case, we would see a lot more happy people in Hollywood. Yet society tells us and succeeds in making us believe that more money brings more happiness.

Think about a time when you really, really wanted something. When you finally got it, it brought some happy emotions, and then suddenly it got old and outdated.

We get stuck on this hamster wheel of wanting the latest and greatest only to throw away or give away what we thought was so great at the time.

Advertising exists to fuel this fire. It’s the engine propelling these fantasies that you’re not okay the way you are and that you need things and lots of them to make you happy.

Try This Experiment

For one whole day—whether on television, internet, or radio—count the advertising messages telling you that they have what you need and their product or service is the right one for you to make you feel sexier, healthier, and happier.

It works in our society; otherwise, billions and billions of dollars wouldn’t be spent every year to make sure those messages are seen and heard over and over on a subconscious level.

When you experience an everyday happiness mindset, you will still enjoy the things in your life, but you won’t look for them to make you happy.

I’ll Be Happy When…

Most of us have experienced this as well.

I will be happy when I get that car or boat. I will be happy when my student loans are paid off. I’ll be happy when I find the perfect mate. I’ll be happy when I lose weight. I’ll be happy when I get more recognition. I’ll be happy when the kids leave for college (Ok that might be true!).

Famous and well-respected happiness researcher and author of Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert, claims that we, as humans, overestimate the happiness we receive from the stuff we want. Once we finally get those things, we usually feel far less happy than we thought.

Common Causes of Unhappiness

Many people want happiness but ultimately choose something else over happiness. Typically, it takes less of an effort to be unhappy. Unhappy people refuse to accept change, follow the path of least resistance, try to control the uncontrollable, and much more.

1.Negative Thinking

Unhappy people constantly think the worst. They think negatively in every situation.

You can’t control everything that happens, but you can control how you react to things, if you practice. It’s not easy, but it can be done.

2.Lack of Meaning

In the working world, it’s easy to trap ourselves into doing what we don’t want to do for forty-plus hours every week and then coming home to hours and hours of parenting duties or complete laziness.

Sure, we all have responsibilities. We are not always going to be able to do what we want to do every minute of every day. But you can make the choice to do more of what you really want to do, which is to work on something that matters.

Make your time matter. To see how to maximize your time and productivity, check out another book by me, Maximize Your Day: Quick and Easy Ways to Increase Productivity, Get More Energy, and Achieve More Goals.

Work on something that moves you and gives your life meaning.

3.Obsession with the Past or Future

Your life is NOW! Unhappy people focus on their past or their future; they never focus on the now. These people fixate on what could have or should have or what will be someday.

Learn from your past. Focus on the present. You can prepare for the future but it usually never happens just like we planned it.

4.Feeling Out of Shape or Unhealthy

Your body is the greatest tool you own. Unhappy people give up on their bodies or health and think there is no way to get the body they want. They feel as if they are not good enough with the bodies they have.

There is a big difference between being comfortable in your own skin and being unhealthy. I’m all for accepting who you are, but I’m also an advocate for a healthier and better you. The perfect body does not exist. There is always going to be some imperfections with your body.

That’s why, if you know you’re not the healthiest, then it’s time for a change. Being at the peak of your health won’t give you the perfect body, but it will get you closer to happiness.

5.Unfavorably Comparing Oneself to Others

Unhappy people constantly compare themselves to others. Everyone has his or her own strengths and weakness. Take a moment to reflect on your awesome abilities. Stop trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” Most people you think have such a great life really don’t.

6.Avoiding Accountability

Unhappy people blame others. You have to take 100% responsibility for your happiness and success. Choosing not to be accountable for your actions can result in pure misery.

You control your outcome in life. Sure, there are many obstacles you have to face, but overcoming these builds character, and it makes the victory so much sweeter.

7.Perfectionism and Fear of Failure

Unhappy people expect perfection in everything they do only to fall short almost every time. For that reason, many unhappy people never tackle their projects or goals in life for fear of failure or being imperfect.

Perfection is an enemy of happiness. Over-analysis can also cause lack of progress. Failures and mistakes are a crucial part of success. There is no reward for having the perfect life; rewards go to people who get things done.

8.Low Self-Esteem

Unhappy people belittle themselves and let others belittle them as well. Unhappy people look for the negative qualities and not the positive qualities in themselves.

How you view yourself and the world is your choice. Developing a habit of confidence will make you stronger and more of a positive force to be reckoned with.

Practicing confidence can really work wonders in your life, but remember: there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness.

9.Financial Debt

Unhappy people are usually over their heads in debt. One of the biggest ways to get out of debt is to understand how you got there in the first place. Saving has to become an emotional habit. Like Dave Ramsey says, “Give every dollar a name,” meaning you should know exactly where every dollar goes whether it’s bills, income, spending, or saving.

Many people do not know where their money is going every month. I’ve been there before. I used to be ashamed to look at my bank account or to know the exact numbers of my debt.

Two books that are great for getting out of or preventing debt are Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William Danko.

Wealth is not measured in material objects. It is best to manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.

10.All Work and No Play

There is a balance between what we do to earn a living and our non-work life. It would be great if we all loved our jobs and considered them fun every day, but that is rarely the case.

Unhappy people usually forget to have fun, and the biggest complaint is “I don’t have time.” Having fun time should be a requirement every so often. Leave the house messy and the yard uncut for one weekend, and have some fun and enjoy life. Work will always be there; the memories we create with friends and family are what really matters. Happy people make time for fun!

11.Neglecting Personal Relationships

Whether it is immediate family or distant relatives, unhappy people neglect personal relationships. Make time for friends or family, even if it’s just a quick phone call or a chat over lunch.
Sometimes, with all the tasks we have every day, we forget to mend and nurture true relationships. We need to socialize every now and then to fully feel alive. It’s not about having a certain number of personal relationships; just have some relationships you can be certain of.

12.Procrastination

You may not realize it, but procrastination is a main culprit for stress, and constant stress leads to unhappiness. Do you constantly put off things that would bring you closer to your goals? If you do, you’re sabotaging your happiness.

Procrastination has a lot to do with our daily habits and how we let our everyday tasks overwhelm us. I used to be really bad at this, thinking, “All I need is twenty minutes to get ready” and waiting till I had exactly twenty minutes before I had to leave. Suddenly, that twenty minutes turned into thirty or forty, and then I was late.

Procrastinators tend to self-destruct. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was sabotaging my happiness and future goals. Focus and self-discipline will help to beat procrastination once and for all.