Blended families and our struggles Part 2

So its been a few hours of restless tossing and turning but no rest.
Deadly silence all around. Its gonna be like this for a few days I can tell. Everyone is right and everyone is wrong.
Whose side do you take?

When you fall in love with someone it doesnt mean that you love their kids too. Harsh I know but reality.
And they are not expected to love yor kids either. When we discussed this before we got married I suggested that whoever is in the wrong............that person must get the punishment. Yes we all agreed because we did not expect things to go wrong. And they did exactly that not even a week later. Its been so hard for me as a man who has the only daughter. Me and her struggled on or own for 14 years. We went through a lot and her mom was absent most of the time. We remember more shouting and screaming than happy times.

Dunell my wife was separated and later divorced for approximately the same amount of years.
She raised her boys along with her mother who was there all the time. But no father figure was present.
Along I come and had to fulfill that role almost immediately. Most kids see that as an intervention and it upsets their rhythm. Yet everyone pretends that its the best thing that could have happened to them. Me included. Yet we love each other immensely but realise that either we split and live separately with our kids until they can afford a place of their own or we kick them out to fend for themselves. Oh! What to do????

Please let me know if anyone of you have or are experiencing a similar situation?