I cut my hair.

I cut my hair.

A lot of people asked me if I cried.
I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I knew what I was doing. I loved having long hair, but my beauty is not defined in my hair, or really any part of my body in particular.

I cut my hair

I didn’t do it for anybody except me. I don’t owe anything to anyone except myself. I didn’t want to be so vulnerable any longer, my hair was becoming a burden. I didn’t want to carry it any longer.

I cut my hair

My beauty was never in my hair. I create my own beauty in how I carry myself, how I treat myself, how I love myself. I didn’t connect any longer, I didn’t need the protection that my hair once provided me as I grew.

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Do you know what it’s like to have long, thick, waist-length hair? It’s a protection blanket. If I was scared or nervous, I would take my hair down. If I felt anxious, I would play with my ends. If I felt uncomfortable I’d braid my hair. My hair was a deep, deep part of who I am, who I was. The time I spent caring for it, brushing it. I’d look at pictures and see amazing mile stones I accomplished.

I did it. I grew my hair out. I used to meditate to pictures of girls with long hair — “trying to visualise waist-length hair”. To say I always wanted this was an understatement. Water was truly my secret I found. I used to claim my hair never grew. I was 21 when my hair finally leaped a few inches past my shoulder. My hair was thinner too growing up. I have this intuitive sense that hair becomes you (I possess some pretty esoteric beliefs on hair). So, 21 — went vegan, quit cigarettes and cut my hair super short. I swore that I wouldn’t cut it until my hair until it was at my waist.

I did. I grew it out and was so proud.

But then I stopped connecting to that side of myself. I really wanted to grow up, change a bit. I wanted to start shaving my arm pits, being overall more hygienic and picking out quality looking outfits I liked — and felt good in. I just wanted a deep change that expressed how different I felt on the inside. How I want to embrace different aspects of my personality.

The biggest compliment I ever got was “Laura, you look so put together today.” My whole life has been a series of misplaced objects. I don’t want to do that any longer. I want to break that mold or pattern.

This whole Virgo woman (She is in own for organisation in astrology, if you didn’t pick up) where has she been? Where is she? Because I really want to get to know her again. I desire to be diligent and on time. I don’t just want to please people constantly, I want to do what I want — I want to rule my life again. I want to take better ownship of my time, and mindset.

I also need to create again.

I am a creative person. I need an outlet to ramble, write, share express. I have loved using Instagram and this blog as an outlet. To express, get off my chest — explore and write about topics that interest me the most.

I am excited to be back a bit more regularly. I am aiming for a few times per week, with random story updates. I am excited to see where the next decade takes me. To a time and place where my hair is long again.

I love the belief that your spirit is in your hair and you can chop it off to restart. Or to express a new beginning, time or place. I think it adds an element of magic to life that seems to be missing.

Anything that adds a bit of magic and creates joy is welcome in my life.

I just can’t wait to chop it off again.