RE: The House That Was (A selection of haiku's)
out of the about 30 I wrote
O_o!!
I don't feel like writing a haughty comment here but just to empathise with you.
I know what phase you're passing through. It happened to me to find myself scribbling frantically at work an amount of several variations (I don't know if 30 but I wouldn't exclude).
This is normal, haiku poetry can induce panic hahaha. It shouldn't be, this should be about 17 sounds coming our like a breath, the ocean's gust in a single drop of water. Honestly I'm noone to say anything, just I related to you quite strongly. We should try to be neat but it's so difficult, especially when our mind is not clean from everyday worries (I'm not implying anything about you, more about me). However, this is also the charm of this only apparently simple form of poetry. All the best Cal and congrats for your dedication my friend :-)
This is over the course of a week, I have been just letting it simmer in the background. It has mainly been the case of doing something like waiting for the kettle to boil, a system to load, and suddenly jotting one down. Thinking in the structure itself is fairly natural it's more about just understanding. Poetry contests are few and far between now, and I used to write a good eight or ten for the three verse terrycraft one, there's just so much possibility! - although I now realise that does sound like a crazy amount! It is a bit of a daunting bar to reach but I do enjoy writing them, I just really need someone who understands to give me pointers on what is good and what holds something back, so I will end up getting better at jotting down the right thought and picking the right one to put forward. Any tips are greatly appreciated :)
Ok, you want my serious opinion then. "yet Ivy holds her still": I don't get it, could you explain? I would avoid the amount of variations, it's not in the spirit of haiku which represents a single sparkle of intuition. Haiku is minimalist, simple, descriptive, non subjective or judgemental. Usually they're never accompanied by something like an explanation or personal thoughts of the poet since the poet - who will always be present with his subjectivity whether he/she wants or not - have to limit such presence for the benefit of the reader's creativity process when reading. Hope it helps :-)
The house, which is no longer treasured by a family, no longer held in their hearts and minds, no longer loved as an entity may have been left to rack and ruin, but the ivy growing up the house holds her together, literally keeping the bricks together as well as reflecting natures timelessness, after all has gone from the house, the ivy still remains. Is personification a big nono?
Okay, I won't do this again then, I just wanted to ask for help. Sorry! I didn't realise it wasn't okay to have a few, I must have got confused when I asked. It is a format I normally use but I can cut my own stuff out, just habit. :)
Oh, and this isn't the actual entry, i entered it as a comment, I took the link out to this post so that shouldn't all count against me. :)
@calluna it's all right! That's just my humble opinion ..as far as I see from @marcoriccardi's comment he liked yours way more than mine..
I got confused by the personification (Ivy), he got enthusiast.. I believe haiku poetry should be neat in the term's choice but this doesn't mean that it cannot convey different nuances and interpretations. But then again I'm just a newbie who tries to read and write haikus when he can. This is the zen feeling (also from
a layout pov) which I like when it's about haiku, contest or not:
I hope that my sincere opinion helps 😉