RE: Old Pond :: Haiku of Japan #100 // Contest inside
The old pond is calm.
Suddenly, a frog jumps in,
Breaking the silence.
100 translations, what a milestone. Congratulations. This series really makes me want to learn more about haiku. My father-in-law is actually taking a bi-monthly haiku lesson now and has been entering contests, so it would be fun to talk with him about haiku as well as learn more about it for myself.
It’s really hard to mimic Japanese with English. I know the word calm isn’t used in the original poem, but after reading your synopsis, I imagined the pond to be calm and thought that might mimic the hints of Buddhism you described. Maybe not.
I guess it sounds nice like this too:
An old pond.
A frog jumps in,
And breaks the silence.
I don’t know how I feel about the word break, but the word tobikomu makes me think of a forceful action, plunging into the water. Combining that with the sound of water makes me think of breaking the silence. This kind of minimal translation is definitely challenging.
Thank you. I'm glad this series is making you more curious about haiku. The minimal structure is absolutely challenging, but it is also freeing in an odd sense. No need for extra words, no need for superficial descriptors. I hope you can talk to your father-in-law about it and maybe start learning with him.
Thanks for the contest entry too :)