I AM GRATEFUL FOR NOT LETTING THE KNIFE WIN.

Thank you @cherylsonty and @paradise-found for this wonderful contest.
Up until now I have not been able to really think over this phase of my life I went through a year ago. Thank you for this opportunity to Think, thank and be grateful.

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I Thank God that I threw that knife away when I thought I needed to end it all.
Yes, sad but true I went through a phase in my life that I thought that well, maybe it would have been better if I put an end to this thing called life.

That would-have been bad day was a fine Saturday morning, I was in my hostel and everywhere was silent, except for the soft music that was playing three rooms away from mine.
The song playing was Celine Dion and Rkelly's I am your Angel.
I could not relate to the affirmation of the song- it was as though everything the song preached was what I didn't have.

I didn't have a cloud
I didn't have a shoulder when I cry
I didn't have anyone hearing my voice when I cried.
And definitely no angel.

I was going through pretty tough things back then and I had absolutely no one to talk to or share it with.

I was perfect at putting on a wide and content smile, dressing nice, putting my head up high, playing around and making new friends but deep down I was a thin line from Adios Amigos.

Every area in my life was in shambles.
I was confused as to what my life would look like, I was so empty and frustrated, I was in deep crisis.
My pillow was soaked with tears, my eyes were red and sore but I couldn't say it out. I couldn't tell people that the Perfect and the sweet girl they saw was in a life threatening situation.

It was all a facade, a show and you bet I was a great actress.

All I had was a Knife and a solution to the end of it.
But I thank God I didn't end it that morning or I wouldn't have seen what God has indeed planned for me.

This happened a year ago and from then to this present moment I must confess, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I had driven that knife through my guts.

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I thank God I have made new and genuine friends. They have helped me through phases I never knew I could conquer, they taught me to be happy no matter the situation, they taught me to love God and believe that no matter how deep I was in a mess, he could always get me out. They taught me to be the best I can be.

I thank God I have the love of my life all to myself and He is the sweetest thing that ever happened to me.
I thank God that the situation helped me to learn how to open up and seek asylum.
And I thank God I am stronger and I have learnt that I can solve it by avoiding it.

Now I live my life on Three Crucial and important L's:
Live
Love
Learn

Even though it is all not sorted out, I have a Cloud now, I have Shoulders to cry on, I have ears that listen to my voice when I cry and most definitely I have Angels.

I am indeed grateful for not taking that life-altering decision a year ago or I would have missed out on the beautiful things I have planned out for me.

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