Grief - the Price we pay for Love

Last week we had a much loved family member die and I saw firsthand the confusion it caused. We had been expecting it, and just about everyone would agree that it was a release and a blessing that she finally died, yet most of us still experienced grief.

Grief is a natural response to losing someone you love and it implies sorrow, suffering, distress and sadness. Even the loss of a job, a relationship or much loved pet can cause a similar suffering as the death of a loved one. I could rate how severe my grief would probably be for various life experiences but we are all different, and who’s to say that if someone else lost their job they wouldn’t suffer as much as I would at the loss of a parent for example?

One family member admitted that he thought he had done all his grieving before whilst she had been so poorly, yet hearing of her death it started all over again.

A child admitted she didn’t really know how to feel and although she had felt sad and cried at the news, later she was playing and realised she wasn’t thinking about it anymore and felt guilty.

The way you experience grief is unique to you, be gentle with yourself. Something we don’t do enough of in today’s world is give ourselves time. Time is a great healer – corny but true.

Take care of yourself physically, even if you don’t feel much like it. Friends and family can be a huge support at times like this.

Do what you feel like doing, ‘retail therapy’ or any sort of treat can be a quick fix – we all know it won’t solve our actual problem but sometimes we need a short pick me up so that we can plod on with reality, and hurt and heal.

As a homeopath I have to consider carefully when to treat grief. It’s a healthy reaction to loss of course, so why treat it?

Well there are a few instances; first, if the person is unable to move past it, then it definitely needs treating. How long is a healthy time to grieve, is a question I can’t answer but I think it’s obvious if we are not experiencing any improvement in our feelings after a period of time then we need help. The other instance I treat grief, is when the emotional pain causes physical symptoms. I’ve seen an example of this, this week in someone who suffers on and off and mildly with a stiff neck and heard the news and his neck seized up and shoulders were extremely painful. Normally I’d treat this with remedies aimed at muscle and joint problems, remedies such as Rhus-tox or Ruta but it was so obviously a reaction to the sad news that I gave Ignatia which is our no 1 grief remedy in homeopathy. It helped enormously both physically and emotionally.

Recognise that there is a difference between grief and depression – grief is a natural reaction to a sad event, but in time we carry on with life and experience joy again, even though it may not feel like it will ever happen. If you feel that you are not getting over something, or if you are experiencing physical problems because of the grief you are feeling, consider taking a few doses of Ignatia 200C. It is especially good if you are unable to sleep because you are grieving.