Grief

There is a quote I love and say all the time.
"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." Rose Kennedy

Some things that some of us endure are so tramatic and life changing that it changes who we are. How we think. And how we go on. There is no definitive way to get through the things that leave a mark on your soul. So how do we live after those events? How do we allow ourselves to be happy again? The road to healing is long and hard and different for each of us. I myself can only take each day at a time. Sometimes not even a full day. It's been six years for me. Since my event. My son passed away. For most of that time I tried pretending I was ok. I tried forcing myself to be and do what I did before this happened. That was my first mistake. Something like this changes you down to your core. I had to learn and accept that I will never be the person I once was. I feel differently. I see things differently. My priorities have changed and my daughter who is 13 has also changed. We are learning how to be ok with who we are now. Adjusting. My second mistake was listening to love ones around me telling g me I had to get over it basically and move on. That just ended up making me hide my feelings which slowed the healing process. Losing a child is not something you will ever get over. You never get over it. In my opinion over time you learn how to carry the grief in a healthy way. You will have ok days. Maybe some great ones. But there is always going to be those bad days when grief just overwhelms you. And that's ok. What your going through is real. It matters. I was at work the other day making deliveries. I was having a good day. It was freezing, about ten degrees. I love the cold. It makes me feel alive. So the road was too steep for me to drive up the driveway so I grabbed the package and started walking. I had my headphones on. Then out of nowhere my mind was filled with all the memories of my son passing. It was like a train of grief and emotion crashed right into me full force. It took my breath away. When this happens I allow myself to feel it. I don't push it away. There's a reason why everything popped in my head. Even if I don't know that reason it still deserves to be felt. He was my son. He was here. He mattered. Let yourself feel whatever you need to. It helps getting through whatever grief you are experiencing.
My third mistake was trying rush the recovery process. I gave myself this time limit and that was so wrong. You can't rush through it. Whatever it is deserves the time to heal properly. Don't let those around you make you feel bad or pathetic because your still coping. For some of us it will be a life long battle to cope and move forward. All that matters is you always try.

These weren't my only mistakes. But I feel they are the most important. The biggest ones that prohibited my healing g process. I still have a long way to go. And I'm learning along the way. I just wanted to share in case anyone is going through anything significantly affecting their lives.
Thank you for reading.