The fool neither forgives nor forgets. The naive either forgives and forgets. The clever forgives, but he does not forget.

Once upon a time the famous Hungarian-American psychiatrist Thomas Szasz (1920-2012) said that in the nature of mankind "The fool neither forgives nor forgets. The naive either forgives and forgets. The clever forgives, but he does not forget. "

One of the greatest gifts someone can do to himself is to recognize the meaning of forgiveness and to be "trained" by it, despite all the entanglements and difficulties he may face. Anyone by accepting the splendour of forgiveness is able to be freed from his demons or at least deal with them.

To forgive and forget:
It is said that confession is one of the greatest ointments for the human soul, as its positive results are seen not only in spiritual health but also in mental health of people. Forgiveness consist on releasing of the emotional burden of guilt about some action or behavior. It is about letting something to oblivion, weakening and breaking through time.

Resentment, bitterness, anger and the desire for vengeance, do not concern the person who chooses to overcome the bad moments of the past, to open his soul and to let all his negative feelings and thoughts fly away. However, for many people this process can be very tedious, if not impossible.

The first great inner liberation is the realization that non-forgiveness does not offer anything at all, but instead tends to maintain anger and inner tension, dragging the person into a mess of negative emotions. It is precisely at that moment that someone has to see clearly the power concealed in the feeling of resentment, which manages to destroy every nugget of happiness and joy.

We can not just go along with forgiveness:
The truth is that the act of forgiveness is not a simple process at all. By "ordering" ourselves to forgive another person, we automatically cancel the process, as it is not our sincere will. One of the main and first steps we must follow is το work out the primary reasons that led us to the need of forgiving someone.

The analysis of the situations and the causes that led to the incident, is the magic key to our inner redemption. Not all situations are the same, as not all the people as well. Everyone and everything must be examined separately, with an overall perception, which should necessarily be guided by honesty, correctness and empathy. Nevertheless, social dictates often deriven by the family, culture or the sense of guilt, do not allow the forgiveness of the "offender".

In fact, such a forced or superficial forgiveness can trigger exactly the opposite results. Instead of redeeming the soul, what it actually does is creates an accumulated deceptive anger, a resistance and passive-aggressive attitude towards others, while feelings like depression, guilt and shame alternate in a frenzied rhythm.

But what is not the forgiveness?
It is important to realize that the act of forgiveness does not solve everything. Residual emotions may remain within our heart, often not being able to understand why they still influence our lives. It is important to understand that forgiveness is not interwoven with defending or justifying someone's behavior. We forgive to liberate ourselves.

Forgiveness does not allow anyone to continue to hurt us through his behavior or his words, nor does it justify any possible past or future behavior. The only thing that can be transformed and produse some results is self-understanding, protecting our emotions, changing our impending response, and differentiating our role in the relationship from now on.

To conclude:
The most crucial thing to remember is that forgiveness is a highly personal - and sometimes strict - practice of our own self, which leads to improvement of our physical, mental and spiritual health and development. The better we manage to understand ourselves and our personal needs, the easier we will be able to understand the others around us.

from: enallaktikidrasi