My Annual Greek Easter Day - Comedy Open Mic Round 8

Today is Greek Easter, and you don't have much of a choice when it comes to shovelling food down your throat by the kilo, amongst family and friends (refusal to attend the feast has long lasting and severe consequences). If you do have an objection of any kind whilst in attendance, a lot of angry mothers and (especially) grandmothers, get offended that somehow their food was not up to the high standards they set themselves (and your perceived expectations).

There is a high likelihood of damage to your eardrums, from the high shrieks of master chefs and their clans (both male and female). It's a fierce competition, of who can force feed everyone else as much as possible, whilst trying to conceal the amount they have eaten themselves, (no chance in this company) and then pretend they have eaten so much that they can't possibly fit any more in. The elders are constantly worried and in severe duress that you are living in horrific poverty, and you need to store months of food away into your reserves, just in case the threat of global starvation becomes a reality. There are a few rounds of accusations of who has or has not eaten enough, to survive the looming global apocalypse. The threat of another Turkish invasion and enslavement for another 400 years is a common threat and a warning acknowledged by all in attendance (the only time there is 100% agreement on anything), as justification for the preparations required. There are other theories thrown around, that anything could happen, at any moment…Giant earthquakes, global floods, mass hysteria, revolutions, world war 3, an alien invasion and even the arrival of the Anti-Christ.

But I digress….

After the fear of imminent starvation has subsided and everyone is finally satisfied from stuffing their faces with food and drink, the music (traditional folk songs and dances) is turned up a few octaves. After loosening their belts a couple of notches from their overburdened bellies, the singing and dancing begins. Drunken fathers and grandfathers join vocal chords at the neck and do whatever possible to scare any stray wildlife into their natural habitats (win, win for everyone there) and as far away as possible, never to return. The singing and out of sync moaning is so terrible that the women burst into hysterical laughter and after a while they flee indoors into safety.

Not only do you need the strength and mental stamina to endure all of this, but as everyone’s legs start getting wobbly from too much bending, squatting and high scissor kicks (with the added threat of torn strides in the rear end), old age and general weariness starts to set in. The vocal chords start getting rusty, and everyone is looking forward to relaxing with their second round of afternoon drinks.

Just when you thought the marathon was over, it hits you suddenly of what is next on the menu (not food for once). Your forehead starts to sweat, at the realisation that you have now entered the zone of having to sit around, and generally show an interest in everyone’s family history, problems and disputes. Then just to top it off, add all of their dietary and medical needs into the fray, and that’s when things really start to heat up. The arguments over who has the best family doctor and specialists taking care of their regular personal and family medical needs, becomes tense to the point of boiling over into drinking challenges. One’s Manhood is put into question, in amongst the all the hand waving and finger pointing…eyes bulge and hands tremble. There is a look of disgust at one another’s contempt for each other, as the terms and conditions of the challenge are settled with a stiff hand shake.

All of this is taking place while the latest local and overseas gossip is being discussed indoors by the mothers and grandmothers, who have finished with all the washing and are now preparing and ready for the next mini main event. The birthday party of my seven year old nephew is now thrown into the mix and complete chaos ensues. Right after the general birthday celebrations are complete (birthday song and cutting of cake), things get brutally absurd with all the children running around screaming at the top of their lungs, knocking over cheap vases and 50 year old photo frames of dead people, whilst being chased around and lectured with threats of discipline and violence by their mothers and grandmothers. During this entire scenario, everyone realises that they are completely and utterly exhausted and have had enough for the day. That’s the moment I found another burst of energy (that extra food reserve came in handy) and made a rush for the door to make a quick and unchallenged escape.

I must admit though, the cake was spectacular and delicious. Happy seventh birthday Jacob!

So after a hectic day of feasting on ridiculous amounts of food and drinks, I arrive home and I manage to get a couple of hours of much needed sleep to rid myself of the headache and extended belly I brought home with me. After waking from my long nap, I decided I would switch on the PC and catch up with my steemit feed and do some leisurely reading, when it dawned on me. Why not just blog and share the experience of this festive holiday and what I have to endure on an annual basis.

Believe it or not, In the middle of writing this, I actually felt a little peckish and thought I might have a very light evening snack. This very light snack consisted of 2 Easter eggs, 6 Melomakarona (because 5 are never enough, trust me), a Greek coffee and of course a little water to wash it all down.

The Easter eggs, are real hard boiled eggs, painted with red dye on the outer shell. The biscuits are infused with nuts and honey. Although the biscuits are usually a traditional Christmas delicacy, that fact won't stop me from eating them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days per year (you get extra servings on leap years, woohoo!). As you can see from my worn wooden desk, I have eaten a lot of these over the years while sitting in front of the computer.

That's it! I hope you enjoyed reading this a lot more than I enjoyed being there........until next time. Have a great day!

Nominations for #comedyopenmic

@bifilarcoil @danielshortell