Dear Grandmother

Dear Gramma ,

How do I begin to speak to you? Your are the only reason I have had a connection to anyone on my dads side of the family. You have been a part of my life since 7, and sometimes I'm not sure how I feel about you.

I respect you, because you have worked so hard for everything you have, and continue to work hard into your 70's. You have always taken care of yourself, face creams and lotions, and dress yourself nicely, even when your sick. your pride inspires me.

you have let much of your family, not just children but grandchildren and more come into your home. you always have food, and will always be ready to loan money if needed.

However, your help has always come at a price. I want to thank you for teaching me my biggest life lesson, that giving up me, isn't worth anything.

I remember at 9, telling you I didn't like a shirt you had picked out for me at the store, there were 4 grandaughters there, and I didn't leave with anything. I felt sad, everyone else got things, and I felt pretty left out, the dissapointment kept me from joining in on the laughs.

Later that evening, 2 of my cousins were seperating their clothes at your house so they could go home, and I over heared them complaining about their ugly clothes. They didn't like them at all, but said they did just for your praise and happiness. Not long after they wore these things to family events, looking awkward. I felt much better after my peak behind the curtin.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever lived up to your bar, and I'm not sure that I will, I also am not sure that I want to.

I've watched my sister for years, your super star, playing her game by your rules, just for the comforts you provide.

My sister has stopped being her.

She has always worn clothes you like, styled, dyed and cut her hair so that you aprove. She onlu had friends you liked, married a man you approved of, and is now very unhappy with the life she let you designed.

Still she has $40 jeans and a $500 dollar entertainment center, you put in her home. She almost lost her house & cars, but you paid her bills, and still bought her things. I don't understand how you could be so proud of her, and act like I'm a terrible person.

I moved out as a junior in high school, graduated, and held down a job. My bills are paid by me, and when I'm sick, you never bring me soup, or ask if theres anything you can do. For years I've been jelouse of her, so now we rarely talk.

I forgive you for always making me feel like a lesser person. I forgive you for wreaking my relationship with my sister, though much of the fault was hers. I forgive you for picking away at my decisions, and for making me want to distance myself from you.

I love you.
One of 4 grandaughters.