SUPER GOVERNMENT GRANT FORM

What the Grant will be used for:

Some years ago I married a genuine nineteen seventy’s Lava Lamp called Philip.
This grant will go towards extra plug sockets around our house and especially in the bedroom, for as of late when we sleep together I’m not turning Philip on.

We’ve been seeing a councillor and they recommended this as the best solution.
Philip has had a full internal service even having his Lava changed on the advice of a qualified Lava lamp technician slash marriage Councillor and is fully PAT tested.
Yet I still can’t turn him on.
Since his Lava has been changed Philip seems withdrawn and is not the Lava lamp I married.
I put it down to the fact that his vintage aluminium screw top and cap where replaced (due to dangerous levels of corrosion) during his service for the cheap Chinese plastic versions of the same.
(I later found out the technician that performed the service sold those parts on Ebay)
Therefore an amount of this grant will also go toward replacing that cheap plastic rubbish with professionally tooled stainless steel replacements.
I know where married but I cannot bring myself to end such a wonderful relationship by putting Philip in the loft just yet, he is still a wizard in the disco room.
There is still radiance in Philip and with this grant…