7 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Secretly Gay

That’s it, really. There’s nothing else to it. There are lots of stereotypes surrounding gay people, but it really just comes down to the fact that they like the same gender.
Furthermore, though mainstream society tends to paint attraction as something “black and white” and never-changing (i.e. once you are gay, you are always gay; any same-gender attraction means that you’re gay, etc), the reality is that life is just not that simple.A person's orientation is nothing more than the tendency to be physically attracted to males, females, both, or neither. This can be stable over time, or sometimes fluid.
Below I’ll go into details about 7 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Secretly Gay

1. He Doesn't Check Out Other Women

     You might think it's great at first when your boyfriend doesn't stare at other women, but this is extremely unusual.
   

Most men frequently think about sex and unconsciously look at attractive people. It's not even deliberate most of the time—it's just a reflex. If an attractive woman with a rack that she can use as a shelf saunters by in a skimpy outfit and your boyfriend simply yawns and doesn't even seem to notice her, this might be a red flag that he's not into women.
Most gay men will also have had “youthful noticings,” or times in the past when they noticed and were attracted to good-looking men. Straight men never had youthful noticings, or rarely had them.
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1. He Checks Out Other Men

    Usually, if a guy is closeted, he won't be obvious about this. Even openly gay men know better than to ogle men in public, considering the negative social consequences.
   

If you're a guy who is interested in other guys, a tiny "look" is enough. Next time you're with your man, watch for this look if an attractive man walks by. Pay attention to where his eyes are pointed. Did a shirtless guy just walk by, and he quickly raked his eyes up and down the guy's six-pack? Did he steal a look at his crotch?
Another thing to watch out for is eye contact. Just as you might look at a man that you like and there's a brief exchange of energy there between you and him, the same is true for a gay (or bi) guy when he interacts with a man he likes, even briefly. Did he seem to meet eyes with another man and it lasted a little too long?
Men who live in Western countries, like those of North America and Europe, usually won't make prolonged eye contact with other men, unless they're about to fight or about to get it on (or both).
According to Joe Kort, a psychotherapist specializing in gender and sexuality, the beach test is usually a good way to sort this one out. At the beach, are women just in the way while he’s trying to catch a glimpse of other men? This is usually how gay men feel. A man who is bi will look at both men and women, and a straight man won’t even notice the men.

1. He Is Touchy-Feely With Other Men

       If your boyfriend seems a little too eager to cuddle with his buddies, or he is very keen on being naked around them, bathing with them, or doing other potentially intimate activities with them, this is a sign that he might be attracted to men.
   

Now, it could be that he's just very secure in his masculinity, since there's nothing inherently gay with hugging other guys, but the fact that he has to go against social norms to do this speaks volumes. If he gets turned on during these activities, then of course there’s probably some attraction there.
Guys from Western cultures (like the United States) tend to be particularly physically distanced from other guys, so remember to take your man’s culture into account. Western guys tend to show their affection for each other more with playful wrestling or fighting, if anything.
However, if your boyfriend is from a non-English-speaking culture, especially South Asia, East Asian, or the Middle East, it's actually not that unusual in certain countries for men to embrace, kiss, or even walk down the street holding hands. This doesn't mean he's necessarily gay.

1. He is Homophobic or Acts Uncomfortable Around Gay Men

     One of the biggest tell-tale signs that your boyfriend is insecure with his sexuality is if he shows unusual levels of homophobia.
   

Most straight men have no problem with gay guys. But if your boyfriend actively hates gay men even if they have never done anything to him and never speak to him, then this is extremely telling. You've probably heard loads of stories about anti-gay preachers who were later discovered to be trolling gay hookup sites.
Many times, a man who hates the fact that he likes other men will take it out on gay people and treat them badly. At the very least, it's not unusual for a guy who is denying his sexuality to fear coming into contact with people who are living with their gayness freely.
Watch him closely next time he is around gay men. Does he act weird?
Homophobia is one of the biggest signs that your boyfriend or husband might be questioning his sexuality.

1. He's Obsessed With Other People's Sexuality

Maybe he's not homophobic, but do his ears perk up when you mention that one of your friends is gay? Does he ask a lot of questions about them? Does he seem interested in how they came out to their parents, or what other people's reactions were?
Similarly, does he bring up people's sexuality a lot? Does he talk about how this or that person at his job turned out to be gay? Does he mention gay family members of his a lot?
He may be interested because he himself is gay or bisexual, but may not know it yet, or simply doesn't know how to express it.
Of course, if he only talks about these things occasionally, he could just be a curious guy. Human beings like to gossip about the sexuality of others. The concern here would be if he has an obsession or preoccupation with gay sexuality—that’s rather unusual for a straight man.
And on the other end of things, some closeted men avoid bringing up gay topics at all for fear of being “found out,” so someone doesn’t need to necessarily exhibit this sign to be gay.

1. He Isn't That Interested in Sex With You

This could mean several things. For one, your boyfriend could be asexual or he might just not be attracted to you anymore for a variety of reasons. People change and so do their tastes. Just because he's ignoring you temporarily or distracted with other things, doesn't necessarily mean he's uninterested you, either.
However, if he never really seemed that into touching you, even in the beginning of your relationship when you're supposed to be in a honeymoon period, then something is probably wrong. This sign by itself doesn't mean he's gay, but coupled with some of the other signs, it can be telling.
Also keep in mind that an absence of this sign doesn't always mean he's not into men, either. In other words, he could be mostly gay, but enjoy sex with women to some extent—or he could be bisexual (but more on that later).
Sex in the relationship might have died down for many other factors as well—including other relationship problems, work schedules, boredom, and so on. In fact, not having enough sex is a common complaint of many women in straight relationships,2 and on its own it probably doesn’t mean he’s gay.

1. His Social Media Contacts Are Suspicious

    Let's say you take a look at his Facebook profile and notice that there are lots of different men on there. You also notice that a lot of them seem gay. Maybe you notice that a lot of them aren't mutual friends with you, and in fact you had no idea that he knew these people.
   

Even worse, if you discover that he has more than one account and has been hiding one from you, this is a definite sign that there's something he isn't telling you. If you notice that his second account has a friends list filled with dozens of strange men, then this is extremely suspicious and you should consider confronting him on this alone.
Finally—and worst of all—if you find out that he has a profile on a gay dating site, then this is a glaring, giant, neon sign.
Obviously, this one seals the deal. No man joins a gay dating app or site "just for laughs." He's looking for another man to get frisky with.

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