The Ginorma-Pumpkin Quest

Whereas Generikat Seeks To Grow That Which Has Eluded Her: The Competition-Sized Pumpkin

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Aside from the sad fact that I might have spoke of myself in the third person in the heading, there is another bit of factual sadness that has been haunting me for the past few years: I really, really, really have a hankering to grow a freaking ginormous pumpkin.

I mean, I have been a little busy growing other things of importance, but if I can grow a 5 foot tall, 140 pound, nine year old boy; a 400 pound pumpkin should totally be achievable. Okay, I know that there are some genetics at work in that equation, but as all I need to do these days to keep the boy growing is keep a steady supply of comestibles in the house, I feel that a similar theme can play out with giant pumpkin-growage!

The largest pumpkin that I have produced to date was of the Dill's Atlantic Giant Variety. The elation that I felt as I rolled that 120 pound beast into the bucket of my tractor still elicits an agri-happy smile on my face. I then remember how I slipped as I wrestled that squash and cracked my knee on the tractor bucket, but nothing worth doing should leave you completely bruise free, right?

To be honest, that pumpkin resembled what I imagine a pumpkin would look like if it was slightly molecularly melted. I now know this occurred because of angle of growth, and it's a thing that I could have manipulated. The pumpkin's flattened visage wouldn't have looked out of place in a Tim Burton flick, but I loved that squash and promptly displayed it right out side my door for all to trip over as they came to see me.

Regarding the production method utilized on the D.A.G. pumpkin, I planted my seeds in a very rich organic matter of my own composted variety. The ground was covered with my greenhouse flooring mulch, and aside from consistent drip irrigation and an occasional application of one of my favorite amendments, Neptune's Harvest Fish and Kelp Fertilizer, I didn't do much in the special tending department.

I'm thinking that in order to achieve my goal of pumpkin greatness, a pumpkin of at least four hundred pounds, that I am going to have to up my care and input regiment.

First: I ordered and received these seeds:

Look! They even say ginormous on the package!!!!!

Second: My soil has been amended with the most beautiful compost. I completed this step last fall, a special shout out to my horses for their contribution!

Third: I live in a place with notoriously short growing seasons, so I will be starting my giant pumpkin seeds about four weeks before my last frost date, around April 15th. Once the little fellows have their first true leaves, I will transplant them outdoors under the protective span of some low tunnel hoop houses.

Fourth: Make sure that I position my chosen pumpkin perpendicular to the vine for maximum roundness in growth.

Fifth: Here's the hardest part of this quest: The selection and pruning of the lesser pumpkins. I have a hard time pinching suckers off of my tomato plants. It's painful for me to pitch extra seedlings that I don't need into the compost pile. There is a meme out there that has my name on it: "Grow ALL The Things!" I, however, have resolved myself to select the best pumpkin and keep just one vine growing. I will view this process like I do that of weeding books at the library: It is a necessary endeavor for the good of the collection.

Sixth: Fertilize! I am not one of those people that over fertilizes anything, but I do realize that members of the Cucurbitaceae family are heavy feeders. With that factoid in mind, I am going to make sure that I apply a water soluble fertilzer that is heavier in the phosphorus realm at the beginning, gradually shifting that number towards a more potassium rich mix as time and growth progresses. Aside from the Neptune's Harvest, I tend to mix my own fertilizers, comfrey plays a pretty big role in the mix!

Seventh: Enjoy the corpulent behemoth that I produce and all the resultant agri-satisfaction that comes with it!

In all honesty, I have no idea how this scenario will play out, as I have no desire to grow this pumpkin for competition purposes. I just like the challenge of growing things, and have been obsessed with growing gigantic pumpkins since I read, when I was a kid, about a kid that fed his pumpkin vine a saucer of milk everyday. After saving its seed I will probably subject its rotting corpse to a Tannerite experiment or use it as a vessel in our lake to mess with the locals. People already believe that I am the crazy librarian, might as well keep up appearances!

Giant Pumpkin Growing Resources For Those Moderately Interested:

How To Grow A Giant Pumpkin
How To Grow A Giant Pumpkin
The Secret To Growing The World's Largest Pumpkin

Mountain Valley Giant Pumpkin Seeds:
400lb plus
900lb plus
Dill's Atlantic Giant

With the exception of the cited image, the photo in this post was taken with my ginormous-pumpkin picture-taking, anticipating iPhone.