Top 5 Funny Witcher 3 Moments

Welcome back to a fresh new Top 5 Blog, this time we will be covering our funniest moments whilst playing the Witcher 3 game (DLC included). So sit back, have a pleasant read and enjoy some chuckles along the way. The Witcher 3 has got to be one of the best games to have ever graced our lives, the graphics are breathtaking, the story is astonishing and the characters are lovable. What's even better is that in such a great game, they also took the time to add enjoyably funny moments that just helped to make the game feel that bit more real and we love CD Projekt Red for it.
If you haven't already played and completed this game, what have you been doing during this whole time? Go play and finish it now, it's 100% worth it- one of the best games ever. But if you haven't finished it but plan to, be aware that there may be spoilers in this post. Read at your own discretion yada yada yada. Now lets enjoy.

To start off our list we're going with the mission 'A Deadly Plot' where you are asked to seek out and rescue an old friend named Thaler from his captors; those who remember this character from the first Witcher game will also know he has fondness for curse words.

Upon tracking down the whereabouts of spy, you discover that his captors may not have been human after all but in fact trolls! After entering the troll's cave, your ears pick up on some rather interesting conversations. If you stand nearby and just listen to the conversations, you will notice that Thaler is giving the trolls lessons on how to swear in an effective manner.

Eloquent words aren't they?

The best part about these lessons are that Trolls in the Witcher universe aren't particularly the brightest of creatures so listening to them string together their sentences makes for quality entertainment, even more so when they add some of Thaler's teachings to them.
'Tala sockcuck...'

It's always fun listening to the illiterate trollololos.

On we go now to a rustic but charming village wedding near Oxenfurt way during the Heart of Stone DLC. Geralt even has a date with him for the wedding who goes by the name of Shani. The only problem is, Geralt isn't quite in control of his actions for the night out and it isn't due to inebriation- its because he's being possessed, by a hedonistic ghost who likes to party and indulge with the ladies.

We won't go into the details of why Geralt has somebody crashing in his body but we will say that it is great entertainment value to see the stoic Witcher act in a completely different manner whilst retaining his emotionless way of speaking. We watch the possessed Geralt constantly hit on Shani and try to impress her in ludicrous ways like chasing pigs and calling hobbits midgets.
Though all of this fun is at much of Geralt's expense, the witcher does learn from the ghost's confidence / arrogance after the he leaves Geralt in peace which eventually helps him woe Shani at the end of the night. ;)

Number 3 on the list brings us to the extraordinary land of Toussaint where Geralt finds himself wanting to make a withdrawal from Beauclair's Bank: Cianfanelli Bank to be precise.
You find out from an old client that he had placed your payment within this very bank for you to withdraw when you returned to Toussaaint. With it being such a long time since you were last here, the interest on this money must be worthwhile so off you go to get your coins.

Oh if only it were that simple.

The brilliance of this side quest is that it literally mirrors the headache we go through in real life when we want to sort something out that involves the party in question giving us money. If you don't know what I'm talking about, have you been doing much adulting yet? You've got a lot to look forward to. Going through this pain with Geralt just made for a beautifully satirical moment taking a dig at banks.
Throughout the mission, the staff constantly express a helpful attitude 'where the customer is always right' but this couldn't be further from the truth.
During the mission you are literally told to get a form from person A who then tell you that you first need a permit that you can get off person B. Once you speak to person B, they tell you that they're the wrong person to speak to and that you want person C. Person C then hands you the permit which you return to person A who goes on to tell you that you have the wrong paperwork. Okay, you get the picture.
It's a pain in the arse but damn is it hilarious to see in a game.

Whilst we're in Toussaint, we might as well revisit the time Geralt had to imbibe a psychedelic potion in order to catch a monster terrorising a lonely woman. The effects of this potion were quite profound and led to you actaully being able to understand your Horse: Roach. As it turns out, Roach has a lot of interesting things to say such as criticising your control when riding him and explaining how he can always find you when you whistle no matter where you are - because you're his human and he'll be there for you-ou-ou.

Yeah, you're mare sounds pretty manly too but who are we to judge horse-kind's way of talking?
This contract made for quite a memorable one because believe it or not, Roach is actually really good as uncovering clues about the monster. He makes for an excellent side kick although from Roach's point of view, he sees you as the sidekick but whatever.
Just being able to discuss some of Roach's finer (and not so finer) qualities with him reveals some entertaining dialogue that you don't want to miss. For example, why does he sometimes buck you off his back in combat? Oh what's that? Apparently he's never done that. You're just crazy.

Finally, the funniest scene in the Witcher 3 takes place in Kaer Morhen, the stronghold for the Witchers of the Wolf where Geralt and his Witcher buddies Eskel and Lambert have engaged in a night of heavy drinking.
This class scene really builds on the witchers' relationships with each other by making them seem like any ordinary group of people out on the sesh getting absolutely mullered. Pure shots of Vodka for these three though.

The night comes to hilarious start whilst the three play the well known 'never have i ever' game (or I've never for short) where you learn all kinds of things about each other like who's taken fisstech (drugs) or who's woken up in only their underwear after a night on the booze.

After the drinks keep flowing, the witchers begin to get itchy feet resulting in them getting into disorderly mischief whilst Vesemir is away and Yennefer is asleep. We think the picture below pretty much sums up the kind trouble they get into.

In their attempt to get some bitches to the party, they cross dress in Yen's clothes hoping to convince more women to come over. Didn't really work out for them, unfortunately, but it was definitely a top quality moment that we wont soon forget. Well done witchers.

Once again thank you for reading today's blog, we hope you enjoyed it and comment below if you agreed with our top 5 moments or think there is another deserving scene that we missed out.
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Now, I don't know about you guys but I reckon a witcher at a party would be make for one hell of a story.

Byeeee!