Last Bet—July 24th

Day 16

It has been a while since I have journaled. A lot has happened, but mostly I have been in transit, travelling with my GF, visiting a good friend, and attending a festival.

I have not gambled. I am so proud. I feel very powerful.

Two huge things happened for me:

I told my GF, and I told my best friend.

Holy shit! What a pile of shame, and they were both very supportive about it.

My girlfriend has hurt and upset because I came clean about other lies that stemmed from the fact that I was broke because of my addiction. She is supporting me, but is also very upset. I want to be the victim and be mad at her for not providing unconditional support, but I know that is not reality. She should be upset. All of her issues are things that I have hated about myself for the last 10 years of my life. I was so scared that people would see this side of me and hate me, but I did not realize that no one could hate them more than me. I have been disgusted with myself for so long. I now feel liberated. I have a clean slate. I have come clean about the shittiest parts of me and know for sure that two people still love me. It is better than any feeling I have ever experienced whilst gambling. Higher than any high.

Today is a good day.