Rich In 3 Simple Steps!

in #funny5 years ago

Dear reader, I come before you today to help increase your chances of scoring "the big one." I will leave no stone unturned in an ultimate effort to once and for all remove from your mind any doubt you may still have about capitalism's infinite potential of generating wealth; follow these easy steps and capitalism will take care of the rest. Trust me.


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Image by brando - source: Flickr

Step 1: Stop whining and awaken the abundance mindset!

This is key; for you to become the owner of the villas, yachts and sports cars you so much desire, it is essential you rid yourself of the "scarcity mindset" and replace it with the "abundance mindset." This is the most important step for reasons that should be obvious to anyone with more than two brain-cells; how would you ever realize a life of abundance if you don't believe in abundance first? Duh. So stop listening to the epic failures that try to convince you that capitalism is a zero-sum game. You need to think, to KNOW in your bones that success will be yours. In order to accomplish this I strongly advice you don't read news on the internet or venture too far outside the beaten path of the mainstream media, or you might be confronted with statistics that undermine the health and stability of your newly acquired abundance mindset; cold figures like 3% of top income families own as much as the bottom 50% in America, or that globally the top 1% owns as much as the bottom 50% might lead you to believe the game is rigged, and it clearly isn't. Steer away from the many studies that indicate clearly that the social class you're born into, will be most likely the same class you exhale your last breath into. These rubbish facts count as unwelcome distractions that will surely lead you astray, away from the path that leads to the fulfillment of the famed battle-cry "When Lambo!?"

Step 2: Stop whining and stop overspending!

You've taken the first step, but you're not there yet. Get it? Not There Yet! So don't abuse your credit card as if you can already afford the lambo! As much emphasis as I lay on the first step, on making room in your head for the abundance mindset, it is equally important to build a wall in that same cranial space, to fend off the constant barrage of imagery depicting the life of villas, yachts and sports cars that is the end station of this little trip of ours. These images, neatly packaged in commercials, advertisements, popular TV series and Hollywood movies, are brought to you courtesy of the top-dogs whose ranks you'd so very much like to join. This is done from a space of love; not to entice you to rip open that credit card, also provided by the aforementioned top-dogs, and build up debts you'll never be able to repay. No, it is done to assist you in the hard task of constructing the mental wall that stands between your true, wealth-seeking self and life's constant influx of temptation. So, avoid unnecessary expenses like an education, a car loan or medical treatment, the three top causes of household-debt. Trust me. You'll thank me later when you realize that the villas you now own would never have been yours, if you showed weakness and fell in love with your high-school sweetheart and made a couple of kids; you'd be convicted to doing real work all your life. That would have been such a lousy choice to make! And if you hit the jackpot... Sorry... I mean WHEN you hit the jackpot, there's the added bonus that from now on, debt is your friend! You can now borrow money for almost nothing, which you can use to generate even more income! Isn't capitalism just the best!?

Step 3: Stop whining and work harder!

Creating abundance takes an abundant amount of sweat at the start, there's just no way around this my dear aspiring capitalist. Or do you really think that working just one full time job will enable you to set aside some money? Much needed money if you ever want to elevate your assets from ground level "to the moon." More than 70% of startup businesses fail in the first 5 years, and the majority of that is due to under-capitalization; it takes capital, lots of it, to make capital my friend. You can't just quit your day jobs (plural) and start something of your own, because there's a real risk you won't be successful on the first try, and it's almost certain that even if you are reasonably successful, money won't be coming in during the first months; you'll need to have a reserve to survive that at least. This is the magic of the risk-reward saga that helped so many of your predecessors reach the top of the social ladder: if YOU take the risk and it pays off, then the rewards are YOURS, and yours alone. Sure, you might think that such a risk is much greater for people in the working class than for people who already have a lot of money. If you earn 30,000 dollar per year and starting a business costs 30,000 dollar, that's a huge risk to take compared to a billionaire trying the same thing. You might also get this uncanny feeling, when your business is too large for you to operate on your own, that your employees are generating a lot of the income. This would be wrong, an indication of you relapsing into the scarcity mindset that prevents you from taking what's rightfully yours; screw the employees, give them minimum wage like you yourself are earning right now probably. Thinking that this is not entirely fair would be a failure on YOUR part; see the first two steps...

Capitalism is great and everyone can be rich. If you're not rich, you're simply not playing by the rules, which is your own choice. That's what's also great about capitalism: you can choose to be poor, and many people do, which makes it even easier for you my dear future plutocrat. I really can't fathom these billions of poor people; why would they choose to remain captive by this cesspool of failure and discontent that is the scarcity mindset? Don't they know about the mental wall? Why don't they work harder? They must all be lazy socialists... Luckily we are not! We're not blinded by stupid facts or discouraging statistics, and see capitalism for the wealth generating machine it is. I congratulate you on having taken the first steps toward a wealthy future!

Disclaimer: This IS financial advice! Success is guaranteed. If it doesn't work for you, then YOU must be doing something wrong. Don't panic though: capitalism really works for everyone. All you have to do is start over at step 1... And work harder this time!


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