Funny side of Romania

Hi guys, this is my first post and I’m looking to bring to your attention a few things from Romania, the place I was born and lived for thirty something years.

We’re cynical here, we say about us that we’re poor. We compare our wages with US or Germany, Switzerland, we see the big difference and we like to victimize, blame the government, blame our parents, everyone. Basically we look at any shit that someone else has and we think it’s so much better. This year we had the biggest fucking anti-government protest the world has ever seen.

There are still lunatics chanting every day, with megaphones, right now, to this date, after months! We’re goddamn pros at this shit.
Got complaints? We teach you how to make your grief be heard!

Hear me, this is true. We even have a legitimate “crier” occupation here. Seventy-over grannies, in packs of severals, go to funerals and cry the fuck out of the dead. They’re loud, they cry on demand, their dress code is approved by the church, they stop immediately the contract is over, they’re like the best funeral asset.

Anyways, it’s not all true. For example, if you come to Bucharest in a $20 thousand car, other drivers look at you at the stop light and their face says it all: ntz ntz ntz... what a poor piece of shit you are. People think you’re so poor that the beggars come give you money. Actually, drivers around, specifically give money to beggars to pass them to you.

Begging is also an “occupation” done by many from these places. They used to be so many that they formed lines on the streets at red lights. Organized, fast and thorough they covered tens of cars in seconds. But now, streets seem to have gotten a lot more clear in the last few years. It’s either we’re getting poorer, or they’re getting richer. Could’ve they won this war?

As I said, beggars know their timing. Exactly when it’s red, they pop right next to you. It’s like they came from beneath the car. And they do know timing is important. For example, if they came out two seconds early - you know, when the light is still yellow - they would’ve stand no chance. No chance at all. They would be wiped out the planet. In an instant. And I literally mean wiped out the planet. No ID, no home, no job, no one to complaint, they would simply become a simple stain of color red, wiped from the windscreen, at the very same red light, most likely by a very close streetmate.

So, why is it so important to stay out of the streets when it’s not red light yet? In Romania, when we see the lights turn yellow, we know why we spent that money on that engine. We ramp up that engine, we want every single solo horse we paid for. We want them all, right now! Not one second before, not one second later. We don’t care they’re on a lunch break, at the toilet or at the doctor appointment. All the horses must be summoned at the yellow light, right now. It feels like we’ve accomplished something. We gained time. It’s not everyday you gain time. You mostly waste it waiting at the red lights. So we have our gratifying feeling of satisfaction. Sometimes we even check behind in the mirror. What did he do? If he went through too, we’re like the boss of him now: you live (drive) because I let you to. If he didn’t, it’s one of these two: we can just say he’s a puss, what a disgrace, or be genuinely glad. Cause he’s the fuckface who didn’t let us change the lane or he’s lame because he’s bold or he's got glasses.

That’s the thing with driving. You can’t NOT have something to swear about another driver. If he’s done something to upset you, he can even be the Pope himself and you still can say: hey, cue ball head, while you’re dressed like gay Snow White, looking older than god, scaring the shit out of spiders with your reptile face, cracking mirrors with your spell of ugliness, can you please turn the fucking blinker on when turning left?