Fire drill

Earlier today (approximately 5:30 am) I woke up to my wife screaming at me. We've been married for almost 6 years so by now I can pretty quickly tell the difference between "There's a spider in my soup"-screaming and serious screaming. And by the sound of it this was pretty serious. I awoke from my slumber confused, dazed and buck naked, trying to figure out what was happening. Having only gone to bed 1.5 hour before that and being a very heavy sleeper, I wasn't exactly awake. I think I'd describe my state as being the same one as the one a chicken is in after it has had it's head cut off, running around and trying to figure out how to put it back on. I was eventually dragged enough back into reality to at least put on my glasses. My vision clearer my other senses seemed to sharpen too and my wife's words of "Smoke", "fire", "upstairs" and "loud bang" began to penetrate my fogginess.

I quickly adjourned to the staircase and begin my ascend to the heavenly quarters of our house. (currently being renovated)

There I am met with the strangest sight. A burning electrical drill. Still being pretty dazed I almost half expected God's voice to emanate from from the burning device, telling me that I was the new chosen prophet and I was supposed to free my people from enslavement. And then when that didn't happen I was so miffed that I decided to just stand and stare at the drill for about 30 seconds. (or I was so confused as what to do, what to do and what to do that I just froze. Whose to say which version is true? This... This version is true. So much for taking a fire safety course in high school.)

When I finally came to it, I grabbed the drill by the head (it was the battery that was burning) and began to descend the stairs. When I reached the front door I opened it and put the drill down on the pavement.

A part of the drill had broken off on the trip to the front door so I abandoned the burning drill to take care of the burning piece of plastic currently being inside the house. After strangling both fires with a blanket I suddenly realized I was standing in the open doorway to the street and I still hadn't put on any clothes. When I went for the bedroom to put on some, I only managed to put on pants before we heard a "Whoosh" and my wife yelled "IT'S BURNING AGAIN!" I quickly returned to the front door to indeed see that the drill was once again burning like crazy. It is a windy day so I figured that the wind had rekindled the fire. (The wind rekindling burning plastic and metal? Come on brain you can do better than that!) I wrapped the drill in the blanket, exterminating the fire once more and then I decided: "Hey! Let me take this thing into our house again! That sounds like a logical idea!"* (All right brain. I'm serious. BE MORE SMARTER!) Granted. It was to take the drill out into our paved backyard, as to not have something burning right outside our doorstep. But I could at least have gone the outside route.

Well I manage to reach the back yard and put the burning drill down on the ground and then my brain gets this other amazing idea: "HEY! Let's pour water on this pile of burning electric components and acid! Doesn't that sound like a swell idea?" (no words) So I go into the kitchen grab a mug and fill it with water. I only just manage to get outside again before the infernal thing decides to go all Rambo on me again. It relights... I panic... it explodes... I panic more... burning debris is flying everywhere... I decide that a state panic is pretty much how I'll spend the rest of my life... the biggest piece of debris flies high up in the air, lands on the roof and falls into the gutter... actually I'm not even panicking, that was amazing... flames start to erupt from the gutter and is licking higher up the roof... all right, being in a state of amazement doesn't work, back to panic... I finally decide that maybe I should do something with that mug of water I'm holding. So I raise my arm up to pour the water into the gutter and end up spilling the water over both myself and out dog. (Well at least WE won't spontaneously combust now) I run into kitchen to refill the mug with water and return to the back yard. Not too keen to try the gutters again I decide to empty the water over the drill on the ground, only to realize as I'm doing this that the fire has gone out by itself because the last remaining sources of fire (the battery cells) are now lying in the gutter burning away. Well, back into the kitchen I go. This time I decide to get a pitcher of water which I then reach up with and pour down the gutter a few inches away from the burning battery cells. Aaaaand nothing happens. Apparently the gutter is clotted so all the water went into the other direction. Back into the kitchen I go. This time was a success. I finally defeated the flame monster that had taken up residence in the gutters of my castle. (I should write fantasy books)

Now that the fire had finally gone out completely we begin to celebrate our victory over the dreaded flame monsters when my wife asks: "Hey. Where's the dog?" Turns out that our dog had panicked so much that it had run out of the open front door. (This is something that I would never have expected. She is usually extremely well trained, to the point where we can leave the front door open and she will stay inside even if people or other dogs walk past the house.) Well then I put on some more clothes and walk around the empty streets looking for our dog which, today of all days, doesn't have her collar on.

After about 15 minutes I find her around 500m from our house hiding behind a fence. When she sees me she immediately runs towards my and climb in my lap. I had to carry her all the way home. Well so much for having a big brave dog that could potentially save us in the event of an emergency. As I am writing this she is sitting right beside me and haven't left my side since I sat down.

After I get home our cat comes out from the bedroom, yawning and stretching. Apparently we were making too much noise and woke the royal empress from her slumber.