Chronicles Of A Comic 001 - The Tale Of Two Shows

Welcome to the brand new blog series where I tell stories about trying to be a standup comic. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it can be one of the most entertaining and often sad stories to tell.  So let's start at the beginning so you know where I am now.

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I started doing standup 9 years ago, and worked off and on for about two years and got to about 15 minutes of material. Then I quit for three years and started back up in 2013. I dedicated two years to comedy and really practiced and did a ton of shows. I put together a full 45 minute special and then... I quit again. 

That was two years ago. Now I'm back in full force. Performing a minimum of 3 times a week and working to put together a new 60 minute comedy special by the end of the year. 

So tonight I had two shows where I was the host. The goal of the host is to get people ready to have some fun. Get the audience laughing a little and warm them up for the first comic.

Tonight, the first show I did great. I told all the jokes I wanted to, which is hard right now because everything  I am doing is new. Half of my set was jokes that I have written in the past month. My Avengers jokes did well, my new math joke got a great laugh....

Here's my new math joke...

  Let’s see what kind of audience we are working with tonight… Why do mathematicians have a hard time buying their child a first car? · They don’t know whether to sign or cosign · That joke has a tendency to divide an audience · Some get it… some go off on a tangent  

It isn't the best joke, but it was the first time I told it and it got a good laugh. I was happy... we had a smart crowd.

The other new joke about how so many landscaping terms sound sexual was one that I had tested out about three weeks ago at an open mic. It didn't get but a couple of laughs. I re-wrote it to try and use the "dirty" landscaping terms to see how much slang my son knew. When I told the new version again, two weeks ago at an open mic it did even worse than before. 

So I spent some time, reworking it and this is what I came up with. I did a little crowd work to ask the audience about parenting to lead into it.

 Parents, I learned the easiest way to teach your kids about the birds and the bees. Make them do yard work and landscaping. Think about all the topics you’ll cover. How to unwind the hose, Shape the bush...Work the hoe.You can even cover weed whacking, seed planting  and end with an explanation on why a good blow job is important… 

Tonight it got laughs and did well. It still needs a little tweaking, but I'm getting close. 

The thing with joke writing is that the first part is done on paper, but really mastering the joke comes on stage. I had a good idea for a joke and it has taken me three completely different re-writes to get to a point that I feel comfortable working out the rest on stage from now on. I bet after 5 or 6 more times telling it on stage, I'll have it down.

My first set tonight was great. It was 10 minutes and I really made some strides in working my material to build a 60 minute set.  

The second show... not so much.

The second show caught me off guard. I also run the club that I perform, so I was seating people right before I went on stage and never had a moment to collect myself. I went up there and welcomed the crowd and after joking with the front tables for a minute, I totally spaced. 

Instead of thinking about what I should say, I was thinking about smoking weed in college and how I should never have done that. Somehow I ended up starting with this joke... hahaha one I never had planned to tell.

  So I’m fat… It’s cool… it’s not a condition or disease… It’s my fault… I’m 40 and still love macaroni and cheese, sodas and don’t like running or lifting weights. I would be a lot bigger if it wasn’t for my generally active sex life… I told my wife I would lose weight if we could have sex more often… She said… We would have sex more often if I could lose some weight… That’s a tough call… More Sex… Chillie Cheese Fries….  I don’t know… I’ll just keep things the way that they are.  

That joke did very well, and when it was done, I went into a few other jokes and by the end I realized I didn't even tell the math joke, the birds and the bees joke, and totally forgot another new joke that I wanted to tell about how science needs to step up their game. 

I don't know what happened, but by the end of it they were laughing and although it took more stage work and personality to get the crowd ready for the first comic, I got there.

The first set, I was proud of because I was able to have a solid 10 minutes of telling jokes. The second set I was proud of because I may have stumbled and got off track, but I kept it all together and both sets ended up at the same place.

Things don't always go as planned, but they always go. You just have to enjoy the ride.

Thanks for reading and let me know if you would like more of these types of posts. I swear I'm going to record a set soon, but it's tough on nights I run the show. I'll get one soon though.

You are awesome! 

Thank you for reading and let me know if you have any comedy questions in the comments below.