Reading Your Poop To Determine Your Future

We all want to be able to foresee the future. To be able to know what the winning lottery numbers are or if we'll end up walking down the aisle with that cute guy who we just gave our number to. People go to great lengths to seek these answers and end up spending lots of money on fake psychics. The truth is, you don't even need a tarot deck to be able to see what the future has in store for you. You need not look any further than your own bowel movements.

Scatomancy is the process of telling one's future my examining their excrement. It's much like reading tea leaves, but instead, the scatomancer reads a person's fecal matter. The Scatomancy was popular back in the day when we lacked modern day medicine and medicine was more of a combination of educated guesses and mysticism. However, S.S Singh is a modern day scatomancer. He's featured in a documentary called, "A Journey to Planet Sanity."

If you poop several times per day, it is best to use the first one, as it will be most accurate. Smell doesn't really tell us much when it comes to poop divination, but the stronger the odor, the more accurate the prediction will be as well. Primarily, scatomancy relies on looking at the shape, color and texture of the poop.

Coloration of your bowel movements and what it means:

Black or dark brown stool indicates that you must make quick decisions today. Do not hesitate. Just go with your gut instinct.
Brown stool means that you will have no real surprises today. A calm and stable forecast is expected, sorry, it's going to be a normal, boring day.
If your poop is beige, you should take caution. Consider your options carefully before making any important decisions and be sure to think before you speak moreso today than any other day.
a green bowel movement indicates turmoil ahead (or maybe a bit of turdulence, ha!). Be extremely careful when interacting with others. Don't be confrontational or dangerous situations may arise.

If your poop is any other colors, you should probably quit looking at it and call a doctor.

Buoyancy also plays a role.

Floating stool indicates that you will have a positive outlook throughout the day. Be on the lookout for a new love interest or business opportunity.
Sinkers mean that you're getting bored with the same old routine. Perhaps a vacation is in order? Maybe introduce some light bondage into the bedroom?

Shape:

These are common shapes that may predict specific events during the day:

| The Cigar - A straight, long piece hints that strong leadership is needed today, be the first to speak up. Take control.
) The Banana - A curved loaf indicates serious attitude is required today, put away childish indulgences and wise up!
∴ Nugget(s) - A nugget(s) or pellet(s) movement suggests you should support the project of a friend/family member.

These uncommon shapes are seldom seen, but are often times more specific and trustworthy:

X The X - Red flag, Beware! Avoid automotive transit today, or perhaps It would be best to stay in bed.
∇ The Triangle - Your luck will be incredible today! Act on that long time crush you have or buy a lottery ticket quickly!
ξ The Coil - You should really take up a hobby or buy a pet. You are becoming a boring person and perhaps are eating too much.

So next time you wake up and start your daily routine, be sure to take a gander at your dookie before sending it hurdling through the pipes and hopping into the shower. You never know what it might be trying to tell you.