How to Get Paid For Talking About Cleaning Gutters (Without Actually Cleaning Any Gutters)

in #funny7 years ago

Tired of that 9 to 5 job? How would you like to work from home, be your own boss, and to finally say goodbye to that tiresome old daily routine that's been keeping you down?


In 46-51 simple steps, I can show you how I did it, and how you too can live the free life like I do every day, and get paid for it! I'll show you how I made money by NOT doing work, and how you can not do things for profit just like me.

two big ones!

The Gutter


I had a gutter installed on the front of the house to send the rain away from the porch, but within a year the thing was filled with leaves and dirt, and even had little mulberry trees and weeds growing in it. The gutter needed cleaning! In this post I'll outline my solution to this problem, and show some of the steps that I took to actually make money from the situation.

Step 1: Get a Camera


The first thing I did was get out the camera, and I started taking pictures. Actually, the first thing I did after getting out the camera was to take a picture of it with my phone:

I made a Steemit post titled 'Here's a Picture of my Camera' which I was surprised to see made nearly a dollar and 40 cents, so I was already off to a good start with my scheme. Now I was ready to start making some real money shots.

My next post titled 'My Ladder' didn't do as well as expected, and at first I didn't understand what was wrong with the photo, seeing that it only earned 12 cents.

$00.12

The only thing that I could guess was wrong with the image was that it wasn't big enough, and that most people prefer large high quality photos, so my next post, 'This Is My Ladder' featured the top-grade photo now loading below:


This Is My Ladder


I don't think that one made any money, and there was a solitary comment below saying something about a "...waste of time, bandwidth and blockchain..." which seemed a little harsh, but not everyone can like every single picture of my ladder, so I understood when they 'unfollowed' me after that. Keeping with the plan, I took the next photo and made a new post.

'My Gutter'


A picture of my gutter! Upvote and resteem!



The comment below this post was odd: it was that same person who'd unfollowed me before, saying that because of my "s#&! posts" as he now called them, "I f#&!ing re-follow you again just so that I can UN-f#&!ing follow you again even harder..." etc. Somebody was having a bad day, and my freshly-uploaded gutter pics hadn't helped. Nonetheless, it was time to take my hard-earned coinage and head over to the trading sites for some serious profits.

Next Step: Put That Money to Work!

Poloniex. This is where the action is. This is where the really big cigars are left to go cold while clenched in the teeth of the wheelers and the dealers; the crypto-titans stamping their flip-flops as they topple empires of digital coins with mighty clicks of their gold-studded fingers on sleek poolside laptops. This is where I would turn my profits into the easy money that dreams are made of. It was simple: BUY when it's red, SELL when it's green. Go!


After a quick look at the graph, I took my coins and SOLD them immediately, then I put in an order to BUY, and I was rockin with the big boys.

There's me highlighted below, hanging around waiting for the price to drop, like those smart traders all around me on this chart are doing. The big time. I even diversified by putting in two separate orders, to be safe: in case of trouble with one, I could save the other.


It's not as easy as it sounds. Panicking with every move, I chased the numbers up and down the graph with some difficulty. I can't say that I made a huge profit there: my two coins somehow became one, and that may not seem like a big difference-- the difference between 1 and 2 -- but some quick math showed me that my $4 nest egg had been chopped in half in a few frenzied minutes of hard trading. Not perfect for a first time, but I still had a shiny digital coin left to throw around in there, it wasn't over yet!

Ok it's gone. There are risks involved in trading, don't let anyone tell you that there are any guarantees when it comes to investments, they are either lying or foolish if they do. However, and regardless of how the charts and their little waves swept away both of my hard-won coins, the potential for profits is there for those with the skills, so they say.

What About that Gutter?

The gutter. I have been thinking about that a bit, and I even got out the camera so that I could share my next venture with my remaining followers; here's a preview of my next post, coming soon to this page. This one is going to be big. It's going to be another 'How To' article, powered with the following image, and titled:

'How To Grow Mulberry Trees On Your Roof For Fun and Profit'

Until that big post happens, this article has been an outline of my method of working from home and getting paid for not doing things, and how fun it really is. Doing nothing may not pay the bills, and may not be for everyone, but it beats work! It just shows that procrastination pays, and I hope that some value can be gained from these quality tutorials.


thanks as always for reading along, prints of the big ladder pics are available on request, or maybe not prints but feel free to screenshot that baby and print all you want. This has been some fun to create, and those posts that I said I made were fictional-- all comedic parody, and this post is not intended to be making fun of anyone else's awesome ladder pictures.

@therealpaul

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Oh, and I forgot to say Happy Father's Day!

The very next step, you need to turn all your comments into follow-up posts in order to amplify the entire concept and laugh all the way to the bank... ;)

Thanks for making me smile. ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

Oh that's right! There's a little part-time job right here in the comments if milked just right, I'll have to work up some rough drafts for that...

That's an interesting ladder, the attachment at the top looks ingenious.

Glad you liked it!

well, you made me do something, read!!! Now I'm tired going to sleep

So many word things-- imagine having to type all of that! I'm beat!

Imagine the poor mice that keep the internet wheel turning. it's their hard-scurried efforts that have won us these mighty vests!

Those poor mice should get their own post, a fund raiser and cheese fund.

These are the suggestions of a reasonable man.

That's funny and entertaining. I'm laughing about the guy who followed you just to unfollow you harder lol. Crack me up. So true though. Keep up the entertainment value, we steemians will vote on damn near anything!

Yeah he cracked the mouse clicking that 'unfollow' button so hard, got even madder!

That's so funny, he loves you man! Anybody that does that twice will come back to do it the third time lol.

This post left me all sorts of confused... shitpost? being serious? All I know is that I absolutely LOVED it and was pulled in from the beginning. I cant stop laughing !!

Following you in hopes of more of these posts ;)

Oh it's not serious, it's a parody of the stereotype shit-poster I suppose! Thanks for the follow, I appreciate it... we will see if I come up with anything else here, or what it might be, there's some variety around here for sure.

Awesome, I personally found this post to be hilarious!

This is probably the most suspenseful post I read all day. Going to follow you just so I can see what happens.

Yes I'd better get busy on that next gutter post, and talk about selling the little trees and so on...
Thanks for the follow, and I refollow.

Hey, you may find a dead rodent in there like I did. Anything is possible when you dive into the unknown.

It's possible, and it's inevitable that I'll have to actually move the ladder and get up there and clean it out-- this has been the rainiest year in a while so far.

You can always use a wand and pressure washer. That will give you content for quite a few posts as every trip to the store to acquire them will end in disappointment.

@therealpaul , thanks for going into such detail and sharing how you can go from steemit to bitcoin to converting it to real life bill paying and real world gutters! I'm excited to see your next post!

I hope I didn't leave anything out in the process, some details were omitted so that the end could happen sooner! ;)

LOL good one
you really made me smile
pls have my worthless upvote hahaha

Thanks for the up-vote-- it's valuable to me no matter what, and I'm glad to make a smile!

and a great response as well.
you are awesome :-)

(is this to much brown nosing hahahaha?)
have a nice day :-)

You are putting the laughing all the way to the bank to where it belongs.

There is value in laughter, I always knew it!

I like the disclaimer at the end, haha, did the thought that someone else might possibly have done similar posts to the ones you described occur to you as you were making the post or after?
Awesome ladder pictures, lol.

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