The Six O'Clock News Translated Into Disconcertingly Frank Speech - Episode 2

A brutally honest news report without the use of deceptive euphemisms. 

Male Presstitute:  Good evening, passive followers, this is a half hour mind and emotion manipulation program sponsored by the corporatocracy.  I’m an overpaid teleprompter reader with an authoritative voice.

Female Presstitute:  And I’m the comforting female figure with some added sex appeal, who also reads a teleprompter.    

Male Presstitute:  In our lead story, children in forced indoctrination camps have once again collectively scored lower in all major academic subjects.  This is according to an overpaid bureaucrat who is dependent on extorted funds called taxes and spends most of his day sitting behind a desk doing nothing.    

When asked what could be done to fix the problem, the bloated bureaucrat from the Department of Brainwashing said, “We just have to throw more extorted funds at it.”

A concerned parent who voiced her displeasure at the bureaucrat’s office was promptly and violently thrown in a cage by psychopaths in blue costumes called police.    

In a related story, loud, obnoxious, satanic bellowing could be heard coming from the Rockefeller Brothers Fund.  It could be neither confirmed nor denied if the hubris-filled cackling was related to the banksters plan to dumb down children.    

Female Presstitute:  A high priestess from the Medical Mafia today voiced mock concern over what she claims is another super-deadly flu.  The pill-pusher said, quote, “A new hybrid Zebra-Shark-Alien flu has been identified and is gonna kill lots of people if they don’t go out and get a weaponized chemical cocktail jabbed into their bloodstream.”

In financial news, Jerck Pharmaceuticals stock skyrocketed today.  It’s unknown weather their manufacture of weaponized chemical cocktails called vaccines were the cause of the price surge.  We know you can’t figure it out, so that’s why you watch us to tell you how it is.    

Male Presstitute:  We’ll now turn to a lighthearted story in order to calm your nerves, because we know that the previous stories probably made you want to crawl into a hole and give up hope.

These cute kitties were adopted today by a woman who loves kitties and really wanted to be on TV, too.  She said that kitties make her feel good because they’re soft, warm, and cuddly.    

The kitties were not available for comment.

We’ll be right back after some brief social engineering messages from our corporate sponsors.

Fast Talking Salesman Voice:  Feeling down because you live in a slave matrix system?   

Make yourself feel a little better for a brief time in a superficial way!  Buy the newest smartphone from Cherry!
It’s the new Cherry PiePhone8! 

Now loaded with 8 cameras, so you can get more selfie angles to feed your narcissism nonstop!

Direct data uplink to the NSA, no questions asked or options given! This gives you the ultimate false sense of security that government will protect you!

Most exciting of all, Cherry PiePhone8 allows you to 

PAY WITH YOUR FACE!

Just give us your FACE, and we’ll allow you to buy more stuff in less time!   

Cherry PiePhone8 is here! What are you waiting for? Give us your FACE in exchange for some shallow passing moment of bliss!

Female Presstitute:  We’ll wrap things up this evening with some comments from an overpaid person who plays with a ball and is idolized by millions. We’re doing this because we know that most of you want to feel power vicariously through someone. It also makes you feel part of a winning team.  We show you people like this to satisfy this bizarre human psychological need that’s been exploited by the scientific parasite ruling class.    

Overpaid Ball Player:  Um, ya know, we just play to win, and didn’t, ya know, give up, ya know.  So we won.    

Male Presstitute:  Thanks for being programmed by us tonight.  Stay tuned for some mindless show that’ll shrink your vocabulary and inhibit your ability to think and express ideas clearly.  Goodnight.

Female Presstitute:  Goodnight! 

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

Top image and cute kitties image are both from pixabay