Saturation Coverage.

Looking at things as they currently are, the only way I can shorten my odds of survival is by moving in with a serial killer. That's how fucked I am. It's not all bad though. Think of the money I'll be saving being dead. You've got to look on the bright side. Like between 300 and 600 thousand people die of flu every year and we've got vaccines for flu. Although if you look at that logically it does indicate the vaccines aren't that good. I'll be honest with you, I'm getting really bored with all the coverage. It's all over the interweb including the entertainment news. I'm starting to miss those penis enlargement and viagra emails. That's how bad it's got. And you know as soon as the plague is over, Hollywood will be making shitty movies about it. There'll be a shitty TV series about it and several new documentaries and exposes. That's not including all the new conspiracy theories the mentals will come up with. I heard it was created by chickens to distract everyone from chickenpox. Their shares have actually gone up. Look at this picture of milk churns. This what I've been reduced to.

(The copyright to this image is the property of Pintrest.)

You see I steal all my best ideas off the shit the main stream media produce. Now it's all coronavirus. Even Trump didn't have this big a monopoly. It's even on the sports pages, which is astounding given there's no no fucking sport going on because of coronavirus. So what I'm going to do is use my creative talents to post a couple of jokes which are very old. In the vain hope that there are some people who have not heard them several hundred times. Here we go. Wish me luck. This could be career ending for a man who has never had a career.

JOKE #1

A handsome young man spots dozens of beautiful, unattached young ladies entering a bar. So instinctively he goes in. Hoping to pick one up with his smooth chat and charm. When he gets inside he finds that all these women are clustered around a middle aged, balding man sitting in the far corner with a cheap bottle of beer in his hand. All of the beautiful women are fawning over him. They ignore the handsome young man. They only have eyes for the average balding guy. The handsome young man has never been as popular as this badly dressed guy seems to be. So he goes up to the bar and orders drink. Hoping to discover the secret from the barman. Does he have the ultimate in chat up lines? No. Is he well endowed? Not that the barman is aware of. Is he rich? No he works in a store bagging groceries. The good looking man is perplexed. There doesn't appear to be anything to explain his popularity with opposite sex. Unable to discover it he leaves, returning the next day. The middle aged guy is in the corner surrounded by beautiful women again. The same happens everyday. Eventually the young man asks the barman what the guys routine is. The replies "He just comes in everyday. Buys a bottle of cheap beer. Then sits in the corner licking his eyebrows.

I know. It's fucking awful isn't it. It's not even funny. It wasn't funny the first hundred times you heard it either. That's the best one. The next one's even worse, if that's possible.

JOKE #2

Two friends meet up for the first time in months at their local drinking hole. The first one says that he hasn't seen his friend in here for a while. Has he been ill? If not, what has he been up to for so long. The second guy says he's been at home playing with his magic chair. The first finds this very hard to believe. There's no such thing as magic. The second guy disagrees. He's got a magic chair at home in his living room. In fact if the first one doesn't believe him he'll take him home and show him. The two of them walk to the house and enter the living room. The first one sees the chair. It's an ordinary chair. So he asks his friend to show him what's magic about it. The man with the magic chair says, watch this. "Magic chair give me a million dollars." The chair moves over to him and dollar bills pour out of it onto the floor. That's when first guy exclaims in amazement. "A magic chair. Well fuck me. AAAARRRGGHHHH."

Your pain is over. I know that anyone who has read this will be permanently scarred. But coronavirus smothering the media it's all I've got. Before I embarrass myself any further I'm going to stop now. I actually feel ashamed of the tags I'm going to put on this.