It's Time To Get This Clown Car Back On The Road.

I'm going to start on a serious note. There are a lot of clowns out there who are sad and suffering. If we all act together we can put a stop to their heartbreaking, needless suffering. People like you and me are morally compelled to help them. INTO AN EARLY GRAVE. I'm not suggesting you go out and kill the next clown you see. Clubbing them to death with a baseball bat, while they cry silently. No don't do that. Follow them home, find out where they live. Then send their details to me. I'll beat them to death for you. Not because I'm a wonderful, thoughtful human being. Which I am, just ask my ethnic orphan child slave laborers. I will do it because I enjoy it. It gives me a hardon, and my girlfriend gets the benefit. Besides which clown clubbing is something only an expert should attempt. I've had decades of practice on baby seals. In fact that's what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks. Believe it not, in Namibia. I bet you didn't know baby seal clubbing took place in Namibia, did you? We're trying to keep it quiet so the place doesn't get inundated with amateur baby seal assassins. Don't feel sad or offended by this. It's a well known fact they are all Trump voting white supremacist Republicans. I don't give a fuck about the clowns voting intentions, I just hate them with a passion.

(The copyright to this image is the property of Clownopedia - Fandom.)

If you're like me you spend all your waking hours thinking; why do I suck at everything? I'm just kidding. There are several things I can do better than anyone else. Four of them involve kittens and baby oil. As my mother used to say when she was training me "You can make a lot of money out of a properly greased kitten". It's got me where I am today. A convicted criminal with a long list of prosecutions for animal cruelty. I don't just limit myself to baby cats. I like to experiment. On animals obviously. Then I move on to testing on humans.

Let's move away from the abuse of helpless creatures. Vegans, vegetarians and animal rights people can be pretty touchy about these things. I don't want them coming after me thanks. They offered a village in England, called Ham, quite a lot of money to change its name. Yes they are all fucking morons. It's to do with the fact that animals contain every nutrient required to live healthily. Plants don't. You have to take supplements of the stuff you find in animals, that is vital for good health. I don't want a bunch of animal liberation, vegetable eating cretins bumbling around on my front lawn. Trying to figure out which way is up or how zippers work. Feebly knocking on my windows, because they think it might be a front door. In the past what I tended to do was lure a few of them into my basement for testing at a later date. I haven't got the time or energy these days and I can't be bothered to go out and buy the quinoa I use for bait.

Have you noticed how I haven't mentioned Covid? Or The Good Old Days, when there was no such thing as Covid. Unless you were a Chinese bat. I haven't had a go at gingers or the squirrel menace either. The thing is I have not been idle over the past two weeks. I've been working on a secret project. Now I have to admit I have failed miserably in my quest. You see I have always dreamed of being in the Guiness Book of World Records. Being extremely offensive is my main asset. Therefore I set myself the task of offending more people than anyone else has, in the entire history of man. I wanted to send social media into meltdown as millions messaged me with hate. After numerous experiments I have had to admit defeat. It doesn't matter how offensive I get, someone always sticks up for me. I don't want sympathy or support for my freedom of speech. I want my name to go down in infamy. I want to be banned from every platform, including the Dark Net.

They say you learn from your failures. It's true. I learned from mine that there are some really sick fuckers out there. I also learned that there are certain people who can get away with anything. Individuals who could execute babies on live TV, with no consequences. Celebrities and the MSM will support, protect and excuse them for any behavior. With excuses such as: That was almost an hour ago. They were younger and less experienced. They've learned and evolved since then and now understand that beheading infants is no longer tolerated in our modern progressive, inclusive society.

What I've decided to do is divert myself by offending minority groups on a strictly limited basis, until I can come up with that magical universally offensive proposition. Wish me luck.