where I stole it from
Okay I stole this image from google and I am not sorry.
So I was thinking why is everyone so serious on steemit? Don't we take time to relax? So it hit me that why don't I use one of my many talents to earn some bucks.

Please do not take anything I say here personal, it is merely a joke, meant to make people laugh. Thank you

Why I should fight with @infovore

So yesterday I was trying to ask this lady called @minnowsupport out on a date and I was like hey am an infovore, lover of arts bla bla bla, and the reply I got instead of a yes or no was 'sorry the name is already taken on steemit'.
So I got curious and went to search for the person who was snatching my lovely @minnowsupport away and well I got to his blog, guns blazing, flags waving and all that thinking I was gonna do some damage, but boy was I wrong, with a rep like that, I broke up with @minnowsupport myself.

Whale wars

I have been hearing about some people getting all flaggy and I was like @ned, don't you think it's time we get more female whales? I mean if all the whales were females, nobody would flag the other person, they probably would just be competing for who had the most followers.
By the way ever wondered what a female Whale is called? Let me give you a hint, Cow
So please @ned, it's time for Cows to step up too.

On reputation scores

Holy s**t, I saw some reputation scores some time back which reminded me of my test grades back in high school. -12 reputation score makes me feel like reciting a part of the Nigerian pledge which says 'to be faithful, loyal and honest'...
Am like to the person who flagged someone to a reputation score in the negatives, were you my teacher in high school?

How to solve spamming

I found a post by I think either @kingscrown or @joseph, well does not matter, I know somebody wrote the post about people spamming people's posts with please follow me and all that crap and I think I found the solution

Introducing gang spamming

Okay I got the idea from the concept of gang raping (I know it sounds weirdly disturbing)...I know we got various gangs on steemit, don't be shy to admit, by looking at some people's profiles, you could tell the name of their crew.
So back to the gang raping, sorry I meant gang spamming. You and your gang members will go to their posts and flood it with upvote me comments. Probably 40 repetitive comments from each you numbering about 50 should send a warning.
Please remember to bribe @steemcleaner before embarking on such an adventure, have fun.

Who says being a bad guy does not pay?

SO all my life, I have been taught that being a bad person will get you into trouble. I think they said good and bad people get their rewards at the end of the day..well turns out being bad gets you some cash...lol
@lordvader is a villain sending out 'transmissions' from subspace and we pay to support the evil cause, I think I better change my name to General Zod, I gotta win too.
@lordvader, lovely post by the way, I resteemed it. Oh shit I thought it was your inbox.

Condoms are not safe

Okay I think, no wait, I am pretty sure I had a messed up childhood. I had this dumb friend, he was so dub that he felt elated if you called him dumb. So sometime back, he told me that a group of armed robbers attacked his home and they asked him to choose between getting flogged 10 strokes for not having money to give to them, getting shot in the head or being inject with a blood sample tainted with the AIDS virus.
The dumb ass chose the third option but requested for a second to get something from his room, he came back out and got injected, turns out he went into the room to put on a condom because apparently, he said it provided protection against AIDS.
Well I don't know, should I tell him the bad news?
No need, he has been dead for years.
**condom makers should put up a warning label that says 'condoms don't protect from injections'

Why we should always leave our phones at home when going to church

I was in church one day, there was this dude seated right beside me and it was immediately after the worship session and it was time for deliverance or something like that.
So he was in front, rolling up and down while I was looking in 3D, on his way back to his seat, he had a missed call and when he brought out his phone and unlocked it, turns out we had a sex education lecture in church. The brother forgot to pause the porn he was watching. I just moved close to him and said 'brother, you ain't got no demon, you have a porn addiction'

Why you should research more before copying @papa-pepper

@papa-pepper is a cool guy, he has shown us how to do cool stuffs like play with snakes and all that.
Turns out my little cousin was with me when I was watching a video of @papa-pepper playing with one of his snakes. He turned to me and was like I bet you can never be as cool as that. I started bragging about playing with Lions and all and how I once caught a Cobra with my bare hands. Turns out he didn't forget and some time back he saw a Snake around the house and called my attention to it and asked me to catch it...

Boy was I sorry I ever lied, remember when I said @ehiboss told me to go re-invent myself? I didn't tell you all the full story. I didn't really have a choice about taking some time off. Please don't play with snakes if you don't have the expertise.

So I have to pause here as the weather over here is cold and seems like a weather for two, see you later