The Great American Fart – A NOVEL

Inspired by all the serialized novels that have become popular on Steemit, I have commenced writing my own masterpiece:

I sit at my desk and begin writing my new novel. I type each word with intense concentration, sculpting my novel into the great American masterpiece. I lick my lips and gaze lovingly down at my shiny new laptop running Windows 10.

I call it “The Great American Fart – A NOVEL” It’s imperative that it’s named “A Novel” because otherwise it might be mistaken for a manual, a booklet, or a shopping list.

I start with my dedication. “To Gwyneth, My Love, My Life Partner, My Muse, My Best Friend” I scratch my nutsack, and agonize over the fact that I’m gay, but a dedication to Roger won’t move as many units, so I dedicate this, my life’s work, to my cat, and come to terms with my own heroism.

I go through my own personal torment of creating the first paragraph. The gateway to my new life. A start to a book that will change the world. I sip my coffee and contemplate the new "Butt Lifter" underwear I will soon order online from Ali Express.

I haven’t really got a clue what to write about, so I write about the torment of not being able to express myself. And donuts. In first person present tense, urgent, cutting edge, hip, and avoiding all cliché.

I allow myself to take a break to eat breakfast – my self enforced martyrdom has to end eventually, and iced donuts wait eagerly in the refrigerator. I scratch my nutsack with anticipation.

---

SIFT666 aka Ian Gregson from Wellington, New Zealand, is a full time novelist who is also researching the therapeutic benefits of donuts.

In between posting chapters of his novel on Steemit he is developing his own butt cheeks, and he is currently working on a new website portal to rival Steemit called http://www.frot.co.nz where he is testing out a new feature called “refrotting” that may revolutionise blogging and overcome any need to produce new content.

Apart from the image below, which is one of his own photos, all the images on this post were either copied from his own image library which has about 20000 images randomly downloaded from the internet, or he found them using Google image search - https://images.google.com

He has outlined his own radical ideas about crediting images on Steemit in this post here - https://steemit.com/anarchy/@sift666/good-etiquette-on-steemit