MY JOB, MY HOME AND MY MAID :: Hilariously Sarcastic

in #funny7 years ago

Hiii,,, hello fellow steemians

How many of you have seen me before??

Exactly!!

I should tell you more about me, otherwise time will be up and you would be thinking and you won't know!!

Some of you are like: Yeah Dude!! This how time works!!

I have had a very unique life man!!

I did my engineering when i was 18(a course called end of my youth) then did my M.B.A(end of hope)

Made a girlfriend in M.B.A., you know just in case she need a boyfriend.

Then I joined a bank followed by another bank!!

Thinking second job would be much better, always thought bank on the other side of the road has recruited some interesting people!!!

So, I think, I have done Everything Indian society asks for,

Society can't tell me shit now!!!!

They say, son go for engineering, Yeah Done Bro!!!

Ohhh Ok, Then do M.B.A, AAaahhhhh did that too!!

Tell me more!!

Then do whatever you want to, that is what I am doing.

Couldn't do it man!!

I used to do jobs man, i could not do it!!

And you know the problem?? You have to go to one place every day!!

Every day?? I mean nobody addresses it, If you go to Nigara falls 5 times, the sixth time you would also be pissed off saying - it is just waterfall!!

And then my office was like, you should come on time also?? What dafuq???

Such unnecessary demands!!

And you should respect your seniors too!! Man what?? I am coming on time dude!!! Every day!!

Every day I come and I see the same boss with his fat face, his face is fat!!

I mean I understand fat shaming is wrong, but your fat should find a right location man!!

I say Good morning, I don't mean it!! How is it good morning?? I saw you!!

I used to work in a bank man as an investment consultant, I used to tell jokes only but nobody knew!!

My bank used to tell me that, hey listen you need to go to a filthy rich person and tell him that, Sir you earned this but I sir, you don't know how to manage it. I on the other hand, I am the one who knows where to invest it!!

I, who just taken an Uber - pool to your home, who has got your number from your bank account. I sir, who has never even seen this much amount of money.

But you know through god's grace and my mum's overconfidence!! I can manage your money better than you!!

Best part they'll believe it!! They'll believe it!!

They will be like yeah take my money, here is some of my wife's jewellery, will this be sorted??

Yeah, Sir will be fixed. Ought to get it done!!(confused me).

I don't know!! I came on an uber pool bro!!

But don't worry sir by the time you will know where the money went?? I will be in another bank!!

Now, I work from home now that is what I do, and that's amazing!! Totally love it!!

Its great you should work from home. I get up in the morning and then I have to go.......... nowhere!!!

After that I have to do umm hmm Nothing!!

I get up on my bed and I stay there!!! I stay long enough its bedtime!!

I spend the whole time looking at lizards on my wall!! Telling her she must be tired today - Crossed the whole wall!!

Recruitment consultants call me up and say Sir are you looking for a change???

And I be like:

Dude, I have been talking afternoon naps in the morning!!

I have been catching Monday morning shows in theatres, just to feel the traffic sometimes. Monday shows are great the whole hall is empty, just me and two drug addicts High-Fiving each other!!

I tell them, If I tell what I do, you would be looking for a change!!!

Its all amazing man accept one thing!! My Maid

I have a Maid!! She doesn't respect me!!

Like I stay home she thinks, I am a looser!!!

Which is not wrong. But she should not think that!!

That's my dad's job!!

Like she is calling me every evening - Yes sir are you at home?? and then answering herself Must have been at home only!!

Like Wadafuq!! I was having a good day man the lizard was all most there!!(staring up)

Now, I am constantly trying to impress my own maid. Fucking difficult!!

I washed the last two utensils in the morning, just to show her that I work!!

If she comes in and I am bathing. She is happy!!! Ohh he is moving!!

She is not stealing any spoons from my house, as she thinks I might not be able to get them back.

Last week she got two extra ones, from other people homes.

I ask her for water in the morning, she gives me a look back saying, at least get up for it moron!!!

I think she looks at me and calls her husband saying, honey I love you I have seen the worse!!

follow me @sarcastic-me

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