One of the biggest warnings I was issued before coming to Australia:

"WATCH OUT FOR THE SPIDERS!"

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Now, I have always had a bit of a timidness when it came to what I affectionately referred to as "8 legged bastards". Especially if one was ON me.

At that point, running, screaming, and flailing (all hysterically) applies.

I must say that I am doing a lot better than I was in the states with my fear of spiders. I think I have immersion therapy to thank for that one.

There have still been a couple times that I have startled Sammo with my exclamations of "OH, YOU SPIDERY BASTARD!" when encountering a huntsman staring me down with all of his hundreds of eyes. This is usually accompanied by me bending over, placing my hands on my knees, and trying to shake the cold chill of fuckingwhattheshitohgodwhy from my bones.

However, I have found that spiders are not that big of an issue in Australia. Well...

At least spiders that will KILL you.

Let's take a quick look at some of the spiders that could kill you dead!

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Funnel webs

Mainly, these assholes. They CAN kill you but since 1981 when the antivenom was made available there have been no recorded deaths.

(Not recorded... PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU DIED SOMEWHERE AND THEY NEVER FOUND THE SPIDER BITE RIDDLED BODY.)

There are rumors of funnel web spider zombies. I can neither confirm or deny this.

I can tell you that even if their murder rates are being beaten by medical science, they are horrifying. Their fangs are strong enough to penetrate your finger and toe nails.

Let that shudder run through you.

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Redbacks

Although, these guys haven't proved deadly since 1950...

THANKS, ANTIVENOM!

They bite about 2000 people a year. Probably because they like to hang out under toilet seats.

(I guess thorough toilet inspections will now be added to my daily routine.)

You can recognize their bite by "severe and consistent pain"... festive.

The Black Widow is a close relative to the Redback! Fun fact!

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Mouse spider

Don't let that name fool you, it actually looks a little more terrifying than the other spiders listed.

BUT there are no deaths attributed to it. Only one case of a pretty severe bite has ever been recorded. Its venom is very similar to the Funnel Webs! In fact, so similar that it can be treated with an FW's antivenom. The bites are so similar that it is hard to distinguish them apart.

But buttery lord on a toastie, does it look dangerous.

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White Tail

So this spider has a huge reputation for causing necrosis and all kinds of nasty-flesh-melty-blood-poisoning icky.

BUT scientific studies have recently come to find that this may be completely false and these demons are being blamed for hard to diagnose skin polyps and ulcers.

Well, if that doesn't sound like a suspicious cover story, I don't know what does.

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ANNNNNNNNNND that is pretty much it.

The odds of dying from a spider bite in Australia are pretty damn low, the chance of running into one face to face... high. That won't necessarily keep me from wondering if that was the cold breath of arachnid death on my neck every time I feel a pinch, but it helps!

Honestly, blue-ringed octopi, sharks, crocs, snakes, and kangaroos are more likely to take you out.

Hell, even the sun is more likely to eradicate you for having the sheer audacity to live on Death Island.

There are a lot of things that want to kill you, just not necessarily the spiders.

But it does beg the question... why do people live here?

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Much Love, @sammosk and @stitchybitch! <3

gif credit to tenor, popkey, and giphy!