BREAKING NEWS: Sminem grounded since December; May be allowed to play soon

Sminem had a rather interesting childhood. He was an only child, never knew his mother, and lived solely with his father, Boris, who was an elite solider with the Spetsnaz. Boris was hard on Sminem, ran his household like the military and trained Sminem every spare moment to be just like himself. Sminem took it on well, and soon grew to be stronger than his father could ever imagined. Just look how strong he is!

Smimen respected his father deeply though, and always listened to him and his grandmother Helga. After his father was killed medling in the 2016 presedential election, Smimen became rebelious. He wanted to take revenge on whoever was responsible for the great injustice. All he had to go on was a whisper he overheard Helga say that his father was tracking 2 twins blessed with the beauty of gods and infinite cosmic power.

His grandmother was a reasonable women, and all she asked of Sminem was that he get his schoolwork done on time and that he be home by 9:30pm each night. Finally in November of 2017 he felt he was hot on the trail of the two twins. He kept thawting their plans every step they took and he could feel they were getting angrier and angrier as the days went by. On the 17th of December at 9:28pm he finally got a glimpse of the twins walking into a Bilderberg Group meetup in Paris. He only had time to snap this quick picture before having to run home before curfew.

Unfortunately Smimen didn’t make it back to Russia in time, he got back at 9:31pm. His grandmother was furious and grounded him for the foreseeable future. I just spoke to Helga on the phone this afternoon though and she said that she may allow Sminem outside again soon. I can only hope this is days not weeks™ or weeks and not months™, as we all need Smimen back as soon as possible.

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