What if world war one was a pub brawl?

Germany Italy & Austria are standing in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria & spills Austria's pint,
Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the beer stain on it's trouser leg,
Germany expresses it's approval for Austria's point of view,
Britain recommends that everyone should calm down a bit,
Serbia points out that it cant afford a whole new suit but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers,
Russia & Serbia look at Austria,
Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at,
Russia suggests that Austria should leave it's little brother alone,
Austria inquires into whose army will assist Russia in doing so,
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it & that it's sufficiently out of order for Britain not to intervene,
Britain replies that France can look at whoever it wants to, That Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it,
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of doing so anymore,
Britain & France ask Germany if it is looking at Belgium,
Turkey & Germany go off into a corner & whisper, when they come back, Turkey make a show of not looking at anyone,
Germany rolls up it's sleeves looks at France & punches Belgium,
France & Britain both punch Germany, Austria punches Russia, Germany punches France & Britain with one hand & Russia with the other,
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses & nearly falls over, Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there, Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria,
Australia punches Turkey & gets punched back, There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it,
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up & continues fighting, Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change,
Italy throws a punch at Austria & misses, but Austria falls over anyway, Italy raises both fists in the air & runs around the room chanting,
America waits until Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching by Britain & France, then walks over & smashes them with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself,
By now all the chairs are broken & the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France & America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets & buy drinks for all their friends.