@NoNamesLeftToUse Does It Again and then Tries to Write Some Advertisements Because Those Are Hot Right Now
I know what's up.
Today
I will show you It Again, first.
It Again is Wonderful
That's not enough for this post to be of the superior quality variety though. No sirree, it's not.
One must include words. Important words. Words people like to read. Words worthy enough to sit in the highest slot in the history of high quality content.
After much internalized debate, yours truly, @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself has decided to change formats.
Your regularly scheduled programming will resume after these high quality advertisements that many people seem to enjoy.
Pain Relief Commercial
Ow... My pain hurts again...
Are you about as pathetic as that guy?
Do your tits hurt? Do your balls hurt? Got a toothache? Break a nail? Does your ass still hurt from jail?
Just take ten of these pills and when you awaken from your coma, you'll feel fresher than the Prince of Bel-Air!
Remember: If you need the better stuff; we know a Doctor.
Save a Canadian
Everyday, many Canadians go without the things they need.
Look at this guy. His name is, Maurice. He's 23 years old.
Every afternoon, at approximately two o'clock, Maurice must walk all the way from this mother's basement to his mother's kitchen, to fetch orange juice.
After all of that walking and climbing stairs, Maurice is tired.
Now look how sad Maurice appears to be when he notices the jug is empty.
For only one dollar per day, you can help Canadians like Maurice, drink orange juice.
*We now accept cryptocurrency!
Fast Food Commercial
Get your fat on with this new triple bacon deluxe cheeseburger!
Three 10 kilogram mouthwatering slabs of ground up animals seasoned with our secrets and lies between three shovelfuls of bacon; dripping with our new and improved cheesy-like processed sauce-dip!
But we didn't stop there.
Overly-inflated-ass sized buns!
Excuse me strange man who's now in my house yelling at me about food; where's the lettuce?
Lettuce? Pfff!
We fed the lettuce to the pig, then we put half of the pig in between some bread! Simple! There might even be a tomato in there somewhere! Even the beef is infused with pig! We only use the best cows and made them cuddle with pigs every night in the barn!
So eat one now and buy three for later because when you buy four, we'll give you a free barrel of cola!
*Burgers may contain: goat, kangaroo, rat, tiger, feces, dolphin, tree nuts, unicorn horn, rainbows, drywall, nail clippings, rust, meth, hairnets, hornets, cigarettes, vodka, gopher, Oprah, grass clippings, pencil shavings, whiskers, towels, curtains, cardboard and/or toilet paper.
Vacuum Commercial
Look at your floors you filthy animal!
Your wife just left my house and she's on her way.
You're... him?
We'll talk about that later; now hurry! Do something with your life!
Wait a minute...
Are you using a broom to sweep the carpet?
Aye Yi Yi!
Use the vacuum I bought for your wife to give you as a gift on your birthday!
That's right! It's cordless!
Now, turn it on. Feel that suction? No?
Put it up to your dick. Now do you feel it?
Yes! This is amazing!
I feel like a tornado chaser! Just look at all of that stuff spinning inside this transparent plastic thing we made! Around and around and around and holy shit I'm getting dizzy!
All of that dust was on my dick? Wow!
That's right!
It sucks, it fucks, and it blows! Where the dirt goes, nobody knows!
Then, the wife walks in...
Harry?
John!
What are you guys doing with my vacuum!
Have a nice day.
I like how It came out today. It is very elegant. Also, my pain is kind of always hurting and I think I need to buy thousand of those pills. I do need the better stuff though. Probably the Canadian guy needs the better stuff as well.
The guy with the better stuff works in the back. Just knock on the door three times. The password is: Candyland
Rotfl. WTF? How do you even think up stuffs like these? Your sense of humor is second to none here. And that vacuum cleaner should break sales record. Now, keep it coming, man.
How do I think of it? I honestly don't know. It simply oozes from my brain and onto the keyboard. I then press the post button. Done deal.
For this set of jokes I spent a few minutes watching television. One series of commercials. I wrote them down in order of appearance, then wrote my own versions of said commercials. We won't be seeing my version on television though!
LOL... I think not. But they surely would play in my head for sometime. So congratulations on messing up with my brains.
I'mma need the better stuff, how can I contact this ... Doctor?
Just follow the directions I gave to your friend @agnikana(yes, I'm omniscient).
Wow, you did realy amazing job with “It Again” just like yesterday. This pain reliever commercial is amazing, I was always open to any pills as long as someone else tries it before me and shows up the next day. If I had to get a dollar for every time I have to climb from our basement to second floor and from second floor to the basement....I also really like the Overly-inflated-ass sized buns. I think this would definitely satisfy me. I always leave the restaurant hungrier then when I finish eating. I don’t like this rainbow in burgers menu everything else is fine with me, as long as I can eat it. Oh man, I have to get this vacuum.
Those vacuums are moving fast. You better hurry!
I feel very invigorated after those advertisements. I'm ready to buy something with my cryptocurrency now! I'd like one of those cheeseburgers. Lettuce? Bah! Lettuce is made of plants, and plants are for animals.
Do you accept Monero? I, @lemony-cricket, want to buy my burger anonymously. I have heard Oprah meat is banned outside of Canada.
The vaccum cleaner bit reminded me fondly of that WKUK sketch...
Don't worry about those meat restrictions. That's why we have the dark web. You know the place, send money there and don't tell anyone but me. That makes it anonymous enough.
...as for that little show, thanks! I haven't seen that before.
Whaaaaaat? You haven't seen Whitest Kids U'Know?
Pretty much everything of theirs is wonderful. I think my favourite one is either the gallon, or the Grapist.
In order to be able to write somewhat funny stuff on a consistence basis, I have to refrain from consuming basically all forms of entertainment. I sit, I think, I write, then I paste it into google to make sure it's original, then post it once it passes the grade.
Well yeah you did it wrong, you have to present a get rich quick scheme that will make no one rich but possibly yourself. Didn't you get the memo?
I'd buy your dick suction vacuum before I lent support to trending, lol.
Check this post out by @cryplectibles. It's fucking brilliant.
Commercial success that does not suck but may not trend. Enjoyed it though. So much comment humor just waiting to be written. I will leave it to another to go there. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome and thanks in return.
Lol I'm a a marketer so I'm always down to see some zany advertisements! Seems like one hell of a burger you got going on there!
It took three months and an entire team of experts to come up with that one! They wore out plenty of lab coats. Which reminds me. There might be a few lab coats and experts in there swimming around as well. Just pick those bits out if you don't like them.
I wanted some of that fast food until I read the actual ingredients:
Don't be mistaken. That's not Oprah Winfrey in there. The cook, her name is Oprah. Sometimes her hair falls in and she has really bad dandruff, but we're not allowed to list human ingredients. It's against regulations.
'Overly-inflated-ass sized buns!' The title of my next food post, or maybe I'll save it for next October, stay tuned.
LOL! That joke started out as Kardashian-ass sized buns, but I changed it so I don't get sued. If you want to use it, just get your people to call my people and I'm sure we can work something out!