Finally! I Have a Reason to Get High!
I'm reporting live!
Today
I have a man-cold.
Poor me. Sitting here with tissue jammed up my nose.
It has been well over a year since the last time I was able to produce so much snot in such a short period of time.
I'm leaking, it's true, there's a hole in my brain boat, but I refuse to sink this ship.
Pseudoephedrine hydrochloride makes me high as fuck.
The box says, "Take two."
That's a good suggestion, Mr. Box, and I appreciate your wonderful information. Unfortunately, if I want to feel better, I'm going to do it my way.
I took two, along with the other two I had earlier. If I'm trying to feel good, I want to feel good. This is a simple decision for me. Simple math. Two plus two equals buzz, not four.
I ate bananas, drank coffee, had a few cigarettes(yes, I'm still smoking, unfortunately), now I'm trippin' balls.
I don't even care what I write about at this point. I plan to just keep hitting the keys until something comes out. I feel like an infinite number of monkeys behind an infinite number of typewriters. Soon, something will come out of this, it will be amazing, and I'll be the first talking monkey!
Hooray!
What Else
My skin feels like it's crawling.
I'm okay with that. It's like little mini herds of bison stampeding up and down my arms. It gives me goosebumps and that makes my hair stand on end. It looks cool, but I know I should probably avoid operating heavy machinery. Not because the box says so, but because I know how to make responsible decisions, naturally.
I don't even feel like driving a bulldozer anyway. It's cold outside and I have a man-cold. According to the stereotypes, I shouldn't even be able to get out of bed right now. Since that's what people think, I'm milking it for everything it's worth. I'm currently laying in my bed, typing, somehow.
Moving On
I don't think I've blinked my eyes for at least five minutes. They don't even feel dry. I'm so focused right now. I can see why so many people do drugs. I won't be making a habit out of this though. I'm sick. This is a celebratory buzz. I'm allowed. I'm an adult.
Disclaimer: Please do not attempt what I'm doing. I'm just a guy who's actually sick and felt like taking more medicine than I really needed. I certainly don't recommend taking high doses of anything. These relief pills also contain acetaminophen. Too much of that will kill you. It's stupid, so don't be stupid. I just heard voices. They were saying funny things and I laughed. Now, imagine, you, sitting there, on the bus, laughing. People will give you, the look. They might even call the cops. That's why I boarded up all the windows and told the neighbors to ignore any strange sounds coming from my place over the next few days. This is the dumbest thing I've done all year, so far, so please do not try this at home. If you do, you're an asshole and I don't hang out with assholes.
Besides, I'm following directions on the package to a tee. This stuff just makes me buzz. Even if I took one, I'd still be a mess right now. It's a fun mess though. Way better than feeling like crap, plus I enjoy joking around, which is mainly what I'm doing right now. Sure, I can't even get through a disclaimer without rambling, but that doesn't matter.
Speaking of Neighbors
It's a Two-Faced Cat Lady!
Don't be afraid. That kind of stuff is considered normal on my blog.
I think this entire mess of a post is normal for me.
Entertaining, random, maybe even funny.
Next!
Just a super friendly happy heads-up.
Probably, eventually, most likely... I'll doze off. Sleep is good for us when we get sick. No, I'm not saying I'm more than one person. I'm talking about all of us, in general.
I realize I missed responding to a few comments yesterday once this nose leak started. Please don't take that personally. I enjoy talking to each and every one of you. Cut me some slack though. I have a pathetic man-cold. I'll get back to you the moment I have enough energy to do so.
So, yeah!
I hope you enjoyed the show today along with the bonus artwork only my true friends and fans get to see because you actually view my posts. It's a fun game I play. I've always enjoyed hiding these little gems in my posts for you all. Anyway... still rambling... should probably at least make an attempt to shut up now...
Achoo!
Don't worry, I put it all on my sleeve.
Have a nice day!
Isn't Two-Faced Cat Lady more like a three-faced cat lady? I count three. I've been bamboozled!
I want the sort of cold medicine you're having. Isn't that the shit they make meth out of? Also, allow me to share today's out-loud laugh trigger with you:
This was hilarious. I still can't quite figure out why. Maybe it's because some of the warnings on those boxes seem as if they're made for people who are literally trying to do it wrong.
Once, when I was in a situation similar to yours, I bought a cheap digital thermometer which prided itself in having two modes of operation (don't they all?). I kid you not, one of the warnings was literally not to stick it into my mouth after I'd shoved it up my arse.
Do we really need warnings telling us not to suck on stuff coated in shit?
Sometimes, I play a little game. I look at the warnings, and reasonably conclude that there must have been some lawsuit which triggered these grossly unnecessary reiterations of common sense. I want to meet:
Enjoy your trip, @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself. I'd tell you again to feel better soon, but it sounds like you're well on your way. :)
To the trained eye, there will be three faces. The untrained eye might only see one. Yes, I enjoy messing with people, for fun. Shits and giggles.
You're probably correct. I believe people do make meth out of these pills, but it's not meth without the batteries and Drano. I honestly still can't believe people actually smoke that shit. They're the ones that need all of these warning labels! ... but everyone knows the labels don't work. Those are only there to make the end user liable for any problems and prevent lawsuits. You're totally right.
Imagine if we lived in a world that focused more on superior quality rather than sweeping a few things under the rug with a fancy sticker. Allow these people to screw up and rather than getting paid, allow them to learn a valuable life lesson. Lions and tigers do not come with warning labels... until you go to the zoo. Our ancestors managed to live with tigers that had elephant tusks as fangs. They didn't have warning labels. The roar was enough. Now I'm ranting! LOL
It's an enjoyable rant, though. I agree. We've removed much of the "natural" from "natural selection."
If removing these silly labels from things causes people to climb into washing machines and drown, well, that's sad for them and their families. I think our descendants may thank us, though.
You know, we're here having this discussion, but here you are, still smoking.... you have read the obvious warning labels on those things, haven't you?! (Only teasing. (Kind of. (Please quit.)))
My cigarette package is a warning label. The entire thing. On the inside it has information on how to quit, but it also mentions how HARD it is to quit, so people don't quit. They made sure to add that part in. So now the Canadian government can charge us $15 per pack of smokes. Part of that money goes to the government to pay for the warning label, plus they look out for us citizens, another part is called "tax", another part goes to the manufacturers as as subsidy to make up for lost revenue due to cig ads being banned... the rest goes to.. the manufacturer, again, as profit for selling a product. Win win for everyone. They make more money now than they ever did.
Unbe-fucking-lievable. That's all I can say.
During the morning show on a local radio station they asked people to call in if they had ran across warnings on products similar to the one the lady host highlighted, which was never use a hair dryer while sleeping. I had just bought a stroller back then and the instructions for folding the stroller back down was first remove the baby. lol. You gave me a good chuckle down memory road, that morning show ended up being pretty funny.
Didn’t I tell you humans how to deal with the man-cold? No, no, oh god no. Do us cats have to tell you everything? I sure hope you know how to use the bathroom at least.
The Cure
A spoonful of Grey Poupon chased down with a fifth of rum. Turn around 42 times (yes that really what 42 is all about and you humans thought it had a bigger meaning). Do two handstands holding them each for 90 seconds. Walk backwards quacking like a duck while downing two shots of vodka. Finally and this Is the only part you humans seem to remember 1 spoonful full of sugar. Call me in 972 days if you re not cured by then. It might be the Red4521-cold. In which case we will need to vaporize your puny planet.
I got to the 30th turn but the buzz became so intense I ended up seeing double and falling down. I watched the world spin, so I guess that proves it's round after all. So at least I learned that much. I'll keep trying though. I really want to get to the quack stage. That vodka sounds good.
Yes, the humans understand the power of vodka. I can least leave this time zone knowing you learned something SOMETHING something.
Two-faced cat lady is pretty cool looking. She's got a nice body on her. She might need to trim that mustache a bit though. Hope you feel better soon! My go to drug when I'm stuffed up is alka seltzer plus. They have orange and green pills that are huge and hard to swallow but they work. Too much of it knocks me on my butt it's so strong but it knocks a cold out quick.
I quite proud of that piece. I thought about adding some special effects and maybe going further into detail but sometimes it's best to just stop. I spent a lot of hours on that one. Looks like I'm getting skunked today so it was probably for the best that I didn't go overboard. As for the sickness, I usually just let my body fight it. I don't get sick often. Since it's the first full day of being like this, I took this fancy pharmaceutical salt to bring up the energy levels. It does give me a buzz and it's certainly better than sleeping all day.
Is that a woman or a bearded guy that looks like they're about to be beamed up the Cat Lady's cootch? Both, I'm going with both!
Man colds are the worst! Not that I get them, since I'm not a man, but I have to deal with them because my man goes from tough guy to big baby when he gets them- his buzz of choice is Nyquil. And it truly does give him a buzz. I keep it on hand because it's the only way to deal with his man-baby colds.
i just got back from a medicine run...it's herbal. Hope you feel better!
That could be anything. I was buzzin when I made it.
That nyquil stuff is good but those liquids give me heartburn. This stuff is like ephedrine. Gives me a nice energy boost, euphoria... whatever. Then it has acetaminophen, which is Tylenol, for the sinus pain. The main reason they combine it, it think, is so people don't abuse it. You'll overdose on tylenol long before this stuff will actually make you "high". That herbal stuff would be good right now, but you know how I like to stay clean. The odd buzz, the odd drink... that's all I need. Moderation. I think if I was still living my excessive everything days, this wallet on mine here would be empty.
There's nothing wrong with taking more than the dosage of your medication to feel a little buzz every once in a while ...
Right?
Err... Not that I do that, at all. I just do it to feel better faster.
Sure, that's it.
Nothing to see here, the voices are telling me to go talk to my purple unicorn, she's been sad lately.
Byyyyyye.
I think I know which purple unicorn you're talking about. She works at that coffee place, right? I saw her there. People were asking me if I was okay. I said, "Yes! Can't I just have a conversation with my friend over here without being interrupted?" After jail, they put me in counselling. The unicorn sits in the waiting room with me. They tell me she's not there, so I point. They pick her up along with the chair and start shaking her violently while screaming, "There's no unicorn here! See!" I'm like, "Stop! You're hurting her!" They just keep doing it though. Pfff... I think it's them who need the counselling... and maybe a trip to the eye doctor as well. Why do they even let people like that drive?
lol
I feel like this is not even the good kind of high? And plus, sick! :( I hope you get better soon. Enjoy your buzz (not 4).
I'm just joking around. I'm sick, I took some relief pills... then, for some strange reason I decided to act like people on TV after they take these pills... except I'm exaggerating the living shit out of it. I thought it was entertaining... I honestly don't know why I did that.... I get bored. I'll be better soon.
I've never been one much to take cold medicine. I don't know if I am just doing it wrong but it always ends up making me feel worse. If I try to stop a running nose my lungs congest, if I try to de-congest my lungs I get a runny nose. If I try to undermine both of them and take a multi level medicine I end up at the doctors begging for mercy anyway so I am like just wait till the cold gets to that level cause you know your going to see the doctor in the long run anyway. Plus I am like you, I don't like the effects of the medicines when your on them. Some of those sinus medicines give you a cotton mouth that'd make you wish you had smoked weed instead. My brother though, he's a real trip, he'll use the tiniest bump on his skin to get his hands on some allergy medicine. That's why I am in control of them...he loves getting high off that stuff. If I wanted to get a good buzz going picking something that would be a reminiscence side effect of having a cold just wouldn't do it for me. (When I clicked on this thread I was like ut oh, he got my cold...sorry about that, next time I won't cough into the laptop)
You're very funny even when sick. In saying that I think you should plug the leak better so that the brain boat can stay afloat to give us all a laugh tomorrow. Feel better :D
I'm already starting to feel better. Remaining active and not letting it take control is key. Thanks for enjoying the humor here today. I'm just trying to have fun.
If it's a real man cold, I have to say, "Oh you poor baby are you okay have you seen a doctaaarrr?" I eat spicy food when I'm sick to flush out whatever is in there. Happy flushing. I hope you feel better soon.
I have a lot of energy, when I'm well. It's a huge shock to my system when I do get sick. Night and day difference... but I'm certainly not acting as pathetic as those men on the tv commercials. I'm just having fun with the concept of a man-cold. I'll be better soon enough and then I won't have to worry about this sick feeling for a long time.
That's because you're a real man. They don't act. They're either dying or able to use their laptop. LOL
Those stupid boxes are always trying to kill our Buzz. Everybody knows that heavy machinery is a good time.
I've never operated a crane before but I'm pretty sure I'd do a good job of it under these circumstances. I mean, I was able to write a blog post on a laptop that does some kind of magic stuff inside with electricity. That seems pretty heavy. Plus it's no lightweight laptop either. Why should I sacrifice performance just because I'm too lazy to carry something? Ya know?
I hear all you need to operate a crane is a shirt. Not even a pair of pants. I never wear pants when I drive so it's perfect.
I don't wear pants when I walk.
To avoid sickness I recomend every day in the morning squeezed 🍋. It helps, better than buzz killer pills. I can proove it on myself, I haven’t been sick since yesterday. I like the idea of boarding up all the windows and telling the neighbors to ignore any strange sounds coming from you over the next few days. It’s like protecting yourself from yourself.lol I love this Two Faced Cat Lady especially her big mouth. I wonder... just amazing. Sleep is reward for your hard work laying in bed. Your post was definitely entertaining, random and even funny!
Thanks for enjoying another post of mine! I'm already doing the right things to take care of this cold. That vitamin C stuff is great, I know.