I am 147 years old and I have been hearing that my country is a shithole since I was 8 months old. But I say, enough is enough! My country is NOT a shithole! The other day at the local bar I was talking with Christopher Columbus (not the one who discovered a continent, just someone who shares his name, duh!), and he told me that this business of new places takes some practice and a lot of time, or something. I may have been hammered, though; he told me to stop drinking as he was starting to see me blurry.

Anyways, back on topic, my country is NOT a shithole. My country is amazing. When I lived back in there, life was easy and plentiful. I had to work very little and got a lot of money just for working 19 minutes a month. There are almost no diseases in my home country. Public services are nice. I had so much free time, I would spend weeks at the beach, or maybe hiking at the mountains, or just having sex. By the way, here's a piece of advice: Don't have sex in an elevator. It is wrong on so many levels...

Why did I leave my amazing country, then? Well, I think life was way too easy and too great, and I got bored. I really needed a challenge. Hey, hey! Don't laugh at me! Immigration jokes cross the line!

And remember! Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me... I will laugh at you! :)

Image Thanks To KnowYourMeme